Saturday, November 12, 2011

Perfect Stalker Deterant!

I recently decided to try surfing through Facebook until I could find a game that my male Facebook stalker would hopefully not stoop to playing. Not necessarily a game that I myself would enjoy, simply a game that I could tell my partner "I have been playing this for three weeks and he still hasn't started playing it! I believe that I found said game in Perfect Wedding. Not that it is a game I wou;ld be able to play for three weeks, let alone a week, but it is certainly one I do not believe my stalking friend will ever stoop to playing.

I am on the loading screen, and already this is quite sickening. The loading screen is in varying shades of horrific pink, and the loading bar is a giant diamond ring. Im going to call this social research. And then the music struck in. Dear god. It makes me think of candy floss and perfect things, and sickeningly cute children in cherubic outfits. It makes me want to throw up, run away, AND commit mass destruction just to get it to stop. Definitely aimed at the highschool cheerleader type.

The game has barely loaded and the first thing I see is a fire breathing bride screaming at her cowering husband in the middle of the reception hall. Now that is more like what I would expect from the cheerleader type...but surely far from perfect? The instructios order that I pick up the guests, place them at the table, take their gifts and then feed them. For every action they give me a giant diamond ring. Loaded guests, but the heavy hint that I should do the marriage thing gets on my nerves.

All the while, the sickening sweet music continues in a high, off key tone. On repeat. Kill me now.

To my horror I realise I am not alone in playing this abomination. Some of my friends have been playing a while, with quite a few levels under their belts.I know for a certainty that I will be blocking this game very shortly after just a little more research into its appalling nature.

So far, apart from the constrant repeat of sickening music driving me slowly over the brink into insanity, the amount of bugs this game possesses is highly annoying me - or maybe thats just the music destroying me. The game freezes randomly, requires reloading frequently, and has graphic bugs such as food becoming stuck to the waiter's arm; hilarious to watch, but annoying to have to work with considering the waiter doesnt realise the food is there, and the guests get pissed off and annoyed. The only good part of this entire scenario os the response of the bride. Seeing her guests being refused service by their waiter she promptly gets upset and starts screaming at her poor abused husband, breathing fire all the while as the poor man cowers beneath her wroth and probably wonders what the hell he just got himself into. Honestly, the woman needs a slap.

And, when you are finally done with that disasterous wedding and hellion of a bride, you get no rest. Instead, you go home, have a cold shower, change into some currently unglared upon clothing and answer some new bridezilla's request that you organise HER wedding. OH LOOK! They even added the personal touch of letting you choose the new bride to be from your female friends. Then, you get to dress her as the bride of your choice; so I guess that means, pick your least favourite and set to work with the shears...just to make your time playing a tiny bit more appealing to your wickedly over done sense of humour.

Personally, I think I achieved my goal with this game. I found a game that no male worth his man card would ever willingly stalk me into. However, in doing so, I think I went that tiny bit too far, as *I* do not want to play it, and currently want to scrub myself clean. So...brb after three hours of scrubbing the greasy horrible feel of the game from my skin!

Because I Can

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Needing help.

What do you do when you realise that all you seem to do to people is fuck them up?
What do you do when you realise that you need so much help its not funny?
What do you do when you realise you have made so, so many gigantic mistakes and hurt so many wonderful people?
What do you do when you realise that you can't turn to anyone for help? When the people you do turn to turn you down?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Patterns of Weirdness

Have you ever noticed how sometimes in life, little weird things keep repeating? How no matter what, you find you get caught in an absurd cycle? Recently, I have found this to be the story of my life.

It started about three weeks ago, when I got chicken take out. I LOVE the stuffing they make for those things, and always look foward ot it, but this time...there was no stuffing. I was devistated. My night took a turn for the worse...and then I realised my boyfriend had DOUBLE the normal amount of stuffing in his chicken meal! He kindly gave me some of his (I SWEAR I didnt tantrum until he shared!) and I thought nothing more of the event. Until the next time...and the next! I have had this exact event of lack of stuffing and boyfriend overloaded with it happen four times! It does not help changing venues either; it happens no matter which chicken place we visit. ><

And oh how often recently have I been the proud owner of the 'last item of that type in stock'! This one, I am loving. Today for instance, I managed ot get my hands on an adorable white Teddybear candle with roses carved all over him; last one in the entire shop! ^^ I also managed to get my grubby little paws on the very last wolf print shirt for a friend, and the last handbag of a certain type when I was looking for a new one of specific requirements. So I guess sometimes these cycles aren't that bad after all ^^

Sadly I am also still stuck in the pattern that is being unwanted in the work place. I have thrown my resume with cover note that shouts loudly 'PLEASE employ me, I will love you and stay with you forever!!' to the four winds (also thrown it without the cover note) and, as yet, not a bite. Not a single one! I do not see what is so terrible and unemployable with me; I am young, healthy, more than willing to work nearly any job, no restrictions on hours, no time limit, no leave planned, no holidays to book, no debt, and VERY eager, and yet the pattern of rejection keeps growing.

Is anyone else out there stuck in a pattern? If so, what is it? ANy clues as to how to break the pattern??

Back to writing my book to fill the spare hours for me, I suppose...Heck, at the rate I'm going with work, I may aim to publish a chapter a day on this blog if it goes on with the unemployment any longer...!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

To the mother from hell.

To my darling Mother.
I am not going to start in on the insults; you are not worth it. But please, I would like to know, why do you bother my ex on my birthday when you already know we have split up? Why waste your time and his calling him and being your usual sweet, gorgeous, crazy-as-all-fuck self attempting to get my phone number, a number you already have, and then becoming blatantly insulting when you fail to make him give you details you know none of my friends or relatives would give you?

Also, when I call you back in an attempt to get you off his back, why do you act like you dont care? We both know thats untrue. If it was true, you wouldnt have wasted your morning trying to get in touch with me via him. Another thing Mother dear; do not play stupid with me. It does not work. I am not going to give you any more information than the bare basics of vague quality, no matter how hard you puch or how much you ask sweetly in that 'but-I-really-am-worried' way. I don't care if you actually ARE worried my dear mother, for all I care of your worrying, you can go to hell. No return ticket provided.

Another thing. Do not ask me questions to which you already know the answer, just because you want the smug satisfaction of hearing it from my lips. Yes, we have split for good. Your opinion on this however, is invalid. You try giving me one? I'll shive it so far up your behind you wont be able to sit for a week. ANd if you TRY insulting me with offers of a stable home environment and financial security now that I have ended that relationship EVER again, we'll have to have close and personal words, don't you agree?

And by the by; where I am currently living, how I am living, and with WHOM I am living? NONE of your business. Just because you are interested in my life, doesnt mean I asm going to give you those details. My boyfriend does not need to put up with the shit that having you around causes. None of us need to put up with the shit you generate, period. And why would I tell you where I live anyhow? So you can come and break into my house and bitch at me all over again? So you can corner my boyfriend and rant at him, a new face, about what you think of people kidnapping your daughter, when all it really was was you driving me out? Fuck. Off.

Another class point. When you decide we need to sit down and talk things out, tell me. We need to do it, and we both know it, but your complete mental imbalance of self destruction obviously disagrees with this idea, otherwise you wouldnt reply to me saying 'and about that, when do you want to discuss all our issues?' with the CLASSIC line of 'What issues?'.

So. That's all for now. I think we can clear it up with simply putting it as 'stay the fuck out of my life and never try that shit again, bitch.' I hope I get invited to your wake, it'll be fun.

Yours truly,

Job vs Life

This week has been very interesting for me, and I feel I have managed to use it to learn a lot about myself, and my life. As I have mentioned before, I am one of those people who sees a new day as a new opportunity to learn something. And this week, I have more than met my mark on that.

It all started out late last week with my boss at my very new job gathering the office together and telling us that we were being made redundant at the end of September as the company was closing my office; but that's ok, we'll pay for you to move to the Melbourne office to continue working for us! That day I had a major amount of thinking to do, as you can imagine; my resume looks pretty bad, with a couple of long gaps on it, and not only do I WANT a long term permanent job, but I need it. So I had to consider if the job was worth enough to me to think seriously about uprooting my life and moving away from everyone I knew and all my family to the complete unknown. I ended up deciding it was not worth it.

Firstly, I don't think I am cut out for debt collection. It is interesting work, certainly, but I don't think in the long term I can live with myself as a Debt collector. I care way too much about people, and lack the ability to just stop caring and start applying the proverbial thumb screws. Secondly, all the people in my life are right here. My boyfriend, my family, no matter how shitty some of them are, and my friends, who are all amazing, wonderful and my entire support network. I can't just up and leave the amazing people I know here on the off chance I will still have that job in three months time, when my probation is up. Also, if I were to go, there is no chance my boyfriend could come with me, and I wouldn't want to go without him; I only have 7 and a half months left until he goes over seas for nearly a year as it is! He's studying here, he's near the end of his course; its impossibly stupid to consider uprooting him to another state right now.

And I have as cat to consider in all this as well; its all well and good her ebing looked after by my ex for the moment, but I dearly want to have her back at some point soon. I miss her gorgeous personality, and I miss the pillow she insists on becoming for me when she's cold. I miss all of her weird quirks, and all of her sweet charms. I cannot imagine moving to another state and knowing I couldn't take her across with me. It's not that I wouldn't trust my ex to look after her, it's that I do not ever want to consider having to give her up for good. I don't think I could do that.

And on top of all this, my boss and I were constantly having issues with disagreement's. To make it short, I was doing a very good job considering I had had almost no training in the job, and I was constantly m,ade to feel that I was under acheiving, and inadequate for the job, and as a result I was constantly stressing out to a huge degree as I tried my hardest to do better than my best, and improve that every day, and still come in under the mark. And then I got sick, and took a couple of days off to recover. My boss acted as if I had actually just taken the time off because I couldn't be assed coming in to work now that it was closing down, which made me fume, to say the least, as I was being proffessional in my approach to the work I was doing, and dedicating myself to it, not stinting. It was by this point that I realised that I could not continue working there, and I would be unable to make it far enough to get my redundancy pay out. I could not help but constantly feel that he was waiting for a reason to fire me.

SO, this morning I quit. I did it politely and as nicely as I could, and I scored a good reference from him. I was absolutely terrified of doing it, as I knew another short term thing on my resume would make it that much harder to get work, but I knew that I could not continue working for him, or in the industry, and I made the decission to leave and spend the time looking for something I wanted to do, rather than stay, go into a very similar job elsewhere when I was done, and hate every second. Proffessionally, I may have made my life a lot harder for a while, but personally, I made a wise decission for myself and the people I was working for and with.

So I guess from that I learned what I don't want to do in the way of work, and how far I am willing to go putting up with shit from someone before I spit the dummy. I think I passed the shit test with flying colours; three weeks of being wonderfully polite and maintaining a high standard in my job before stressing out enough to leave, and I still got paid my redundancy. And I realised quite quickly exactly how worth following a job is; I can find plenty of other jobs, in plenty of other areas if I try hard enough. But I can never find as loyal and loving a group of friends as I have here. And I could never find a partner as amazing as mine anywhere else; Melbourse, you are not worth the losses.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Torture in a Shopping Centre

Today, I learned a few things, and also stumbled across some awesome. The awesome that I stumbled across was that, after only a week of looking for work, I have gained employment! And so via that we lead on to the multitude of annoyingly horrid facts I learned today.

Firstly comes the horrifying realisation that, despite the awesome fact that one now has employment, one neads a work wardrobe and would happily shoot oneself before venturing into the shopping centre. During school holidays. While towing the long suffering but awesomely patient boyfriend. At least HE gets to sit around playing Suduko while I run around madly from rack to rack bemoaning the utter uselessness of all the CRAP they call 'work wear' in the lady's fashion section. Seriously ladies, when did a paper bag covered in a ton of badly placed over enthusiastic frill become fashionable? Or even wearable? I mean...where the heck are the sleeves?!

And then, you run into a problem. Children. Or more specifically, that enemy age group better known as...Teenagers. Horrible, smirking, smelly little shits who sit in the middle of the isle, somehow taking up ALL the room so the only thing you can do is really, squeeze around them or make a point of stopping and asking them to move. By the end of the day (4 hours of grueling annoying shopping for clothing; whoever said women love it should be shot) I was no longer willing to put up with their self centred ways. Breezing through Woolworths I made the boyfriend crack up when, instead of slowing and asking this final teen to move, I simply breezed on toward him, got to the 50cm point and bellowed "MOVE!" without slowing down. He jumped about half a foot, and I swear I have NEVER seen a teenager move so godamned fast in my life.

Also, what the F is with the latest craze in shoes? Don't get me wrong; I have a liking for good shoes just like the next woman. For example, I currently have 4 pairs; thats heaps right? Anyhow, I was looking for a set of shoes; medium heel, black, leather preferable but not necessary, open toed but partially closed; your average receptionist heels really. And you know what? I couldn't find any. I found PLENTY with hooker heel heights. I found plenty of horrifyingly bad ballet flats...but not a flamming THING in normal, medium heeled open toe shoes.

Seriously people, fashion pisses me off on the best of days, which today should have been due to my new job and the most patiently awesome boyfriend following me round with infinite patience in my erratic rambling way of shopping, but WOW I hate clothing shopping. MAJORLY.

Give me a good sammies and 5 minutes tops any day.

Because I Can

Saturday, June 25, 2011

How Life Changes...

I know it has been a while since I posted, and I apologise to any regular readers. I also apologise that this post will be very self absorved, and full of self reflection, but sometimes one has to be selfish on one's own blog. The last couple of months have heralded a lot of shifts and changes in my life, and a large amount of thinking.

To begin, my marriage, which had been stumbling along through valleys and peaks for months, even years if I am to be honest, finally broke. Hopefully we will eventually be able to deal with it between us in a perfectly amicable way, but for the moment we are both dealing with it the best we can, which sometimes is very badly, and other times happens to be, at least for me, very well.

The time since that break has allowed me much time to think; about my life, my future, my present, my friends and family, my values. And I have come to some wonderful conclusions. Firstly, I realised, after much crying and soul searching, that this split really was the right thing for us both. I don’t think I realised before now how much the drive for a new baby was affecting us as a couple and me as a person. I had become nothing more than a desperate mother without a baby. We had become nothing more than two people who needed a child. And that path led us only to desperation, sadness and a gaping chasm growing between us by the day.

I realised that I had been missing the ability to just be me without being concerned about his opinion; the ability to take a girls night out, the ability to have a drink with some friends at the pub. I was even missing working, or having something to study, to advance in. I realised I wanted to become someone, that I had left myself behind and turned into nothing more than a floating person.

I realised that I highly value my friends. I re-established in my head the knowledge that no matter what, the GOOD friends will always be there for you, and they are really the only people who count in life. I realised that when things get really tough, they are the ones who will still be there.

I was able to establish a guide line in my head of what I want in my life. Firstly, I want to find a stable, equal loving relationship. One in which there are no ghosts hanging over our heads, bringing us eternally down, drowning me in sorrows. I eventually want a family, so at least that hasn’t changed. I want a stable relationship, stability in my life. I want to be able to spend more time with my friends, less time in games, and more time enjoying life. I want to find a job I enjoy, and settle into it. I want to study. Hopefully I will even eventually follow through with that goal. I want to finish that cussed novel that has sat in my drawer for the last half a decade, even if I never publish it.

Some of these goals, I am already working toward, or am achieving as I write. And I have realised that, for the first time in nearly three years, since the loss of our son James, I feel alive. I feel like I am awake, and able to move forward. I feel like I am finally able to allow James to rest in peace, leave him in my past where he belongs and move into life and a future without him. This realisation gives me a great deal of happiness as really it is long past time I left him in the past, let him rest. It also brings with it some sadness; mainly sadness at the idea that in order to finally be able to lay him to rest, I had to leave his father behind me and move into a new phase of my life.

However, despite the bad points, I have great hope that the coming years are full of bright spots for me. I already feel as if, over the coming years, I will make many more memories to treasure, have many more interesting times, and a lot of laughter. Life is full of surprises, and I am confident that I will have some good ones in the future. My main regret is that in moving forward I hurt a good man…I hope that he too has many good years in his future.

Because I Can.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Neighbourhood of Weird

My neighbourhood is a weird, wacky and strange place. I love it to bits for all of the amusing happenings that occur in it, and for these things allowing me to go unnoticed as the strange person I am. I mean, I am the sort of person who will happily walk out of my house in a medieval dress and cloak with one of my black cats in my arms. On an average day. And that is mild. My neighbourhood however, puts me firmly in normal.

Take the people half a block over, for example. I never see or hear from them until...Friday morning. On the dot of 11am. Every Friday, without fail, they gather the whole family, and I mean everyone, for a bottle shop run. I guess they have got to love centrelink pay day ^^

Or the guy who likes watering his garden in...the fresh. I mean, thats all well and good mate, we all have our quirks. But you know, it's really a little off putting to us all. And considering the brick wall, which comes up to your chest height, maybe it would be wiser next time to just keep watering your garden? If you hadn't done that mad sprint of caught outness I would *never* have even considered it. Honestly dude. I mean, I thought ALL guys watered the garden topless...

And then there's the junk mail war. Honestly, before I got pulled into this, albeit as a firm side line watcher, I had no idea that grown, adult men could act as childishly as this. One of them hates junk mail, so gets a ban put on ALL the mail boxes. The other, just for giggles, makes up a sign requesting junk mail. And now the first guy is trying to figure a way to get the second kicked out of the units...over junk mail...and they both claim that the other is the immature one. Good gods.

So, while all these quirks are happening on my street, I think I'll settle back and watch. Rest my toe so that when my kick ass bike boots arrive I can put them on and wear them everywhere for a week. I may even put on a medieval dress and pointed hat, collect one of my black cats and go sit on the mail boxes for a while. With an awesome book, like 'The Story of O'. That may just solve everything!

Because I Can

Sunday, May 15, 2011

An Attempt to Make a Good Evening.

I've found myself in a depressive cycle recently. Something catches my eye that reminds me of something, which drags up memories, which sends me into a spiral, and when I try to claw my way back up, I just find that I get dragged further into it. Generally I end up hiding in my corner, wishing for a new day, wishing I could wake up just once and find that I feel excited to be awake instead of wishing I was holding my son, or even able to know I can have more. So, while I still don't know how to get out of this cycle, or how to fix it, I have a couple of ideas. Tonight, my idea is to try to write about my most cherished memories. Who knows, it may help, right?

So...just a few of my favourite memories of all time. My Dad, throwing me up in the air when I was three. Making gingerbread men with Mum when I was 5; we got icing everywhere, and I even got it all through my hair, but I was giggling like a loon the whole time. Best part was eating them afterward, obviously :P
Becoming a big sister; no longer was I the youngest, no longer was I the only kid at home, I now had a friend, a play mate, someone to look after, cherish and love. My little siblings are both amazing and wonderful people, and I love them very, very much. ^^
My first sleep over. Granted, it was at my cousins house, so doesnt even really count, but I was so excited about it. I remember Mum said I couldnt go if I still had my cold by the end of the week, and I was so worried she wouldnt let me go that every time I needed to cough I would run to my room and cough into my pillow so she wouldnt hear me :)

So...recent years? Well...Dancing round my best friend's bedroom to Shania Twain and laughing hysterically as we recovered from a tickle fight at 1am on the morning of my 16th birthday.
Meeting my wonderful husband. I was at a friend's birthday party, and she took me outside and sat me down in a group of people, some of whom I vaguely knew, others I knew nothing of, and there he was, discissing the benefits of having fridges in bedrooms with the girlfriend of one of my school mates. By the way dearling, I still believe you were terrible to allow me to get drunk that night; I still have no idea at all how I managed to hide that fact from mum! :D

Obtaining an awesome, amazing new family. I never believed that having in-laws would be a wonderful experience, but I could never have been more wrong. My mother in law is the most amazing mother in the world, and my sister in law is amazing.

Becoming a mother. were a beautiful baby. You were perfect, and gorgeous, and adorable.

Getting married. Three years in this year and still going strong despite our hurdles :)

Watching the massive storm that hit my city two years ago from the kitchen at my mother in laws house. She has these amazing floor to ceiling windows throughout the kitchen, and we sat there, looking out via candle light at the amazing storm raging around us...just beautiful.

Traveling to Malaysia and Singapore early this year. I met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences. It was a beautiful trip, and my first out of the country; I loved it :)

Destroying my toe on a wine rack. Admittedly, the experience itself was not at all funny or wonderful, and is still making my life pretty hard, however the experience of laughing so hard I could barely breathe in an emergency room for three hours was golden. I loved it, and do not regret the destruction of my toe; after all, I came out with an awesome story to tell ;)

So...Admittedly, this hasn't made me feel 100% better. But it has improved my night. And it has allowed me to relook through my life, and remember some of the awesome moments. Especially those of the last few years. And it has made me realise that while I do have a hard time getting out of this depressive cycle, I have a wonderful family and some absolutely amazing friends right here with me to help.

Because I Can

Pie Maker Randomness

The other day I was walking around BigW with my other half, and I did something I've been meaning to do for a very long time. I bought a pie maker. I didnt need this item. I probably wont use it every day like I do my kettle. But I wanted it, and had done so for a long, long time. It was a calculated impulse buy.

You see, a couple of years ago, a guy we were good friends with bought one. Not because he really wanted it, or would use it lots. Not because it was useful, or even interesting. Mainly because he was bored, had a tiny amount of left over cash, and he happened to see it in the split second when he was deciding wether to spend that money on something shiny or something edible. When he got it home, he ranted at us about it for an hour or so, then the next day we made pies. And I thought it was awesome. Best pie's ever ^^ Very little work, whatever filling you want, and the knmowledge you made them yourself and that they're as healthy or as fatty as you want.

He stopped using it after about a week. Too much effort. Boring. Not exciting any more. And I always thought it was awaste of money, considering what he did with it. Locking it in a cupboard and forgetting it even existed. Three months down the track he had forgotten even buying it. And I must admit, this irked me. I mean, this guy was always a little bit like that. Buying things on random impulse when he couldnt affords them and had no use for them, throwing them out instead of reselling them when he got bored, buying the most expensive item because, despite not having the money, that made it the better item. Annoying.

But I now have a pie maker. I love it, it is awesome, easy to use, and it has saved me a lot o work over the last couple of weeks while my toe heals. Best of all is the knowledge that I didn't buy it on random impulse. I bought it because I knew I would use it and I already loved it. So, despite that friendship being long dead that story sticks in my head. I still wonder if, with time, that man could have come to realise how much he was throwing away in his life. But I came out of it with the main message: Buy a pie maker, they rule! ^^

Because I Can.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Dear Toe

I understand I have offended you. I understand that I hurt you, and upset you. I know I made us bleed, and that you had to get stitches. But, over all, I have spent the time since then looking after you. I have coddled you, washed you and redressed you every day. I have sat with you resting and bored myself silly doing nothing *but* make sure you are feeling ok.

I know, I know, taking you shopping tonight probably was not the best plan in the world. I could have thought that one through. But I was very careful to put as little weight on you as I possibly could, and it wasn't like I had a choice about carrying groceries! And even then I tried to be kind to you and put all the weight on my other side...

However this week has been great. I haven't done more than a couple of sinkfuls of dishes on you this week, remember? And I hung washing on the clothes horse, inside, while sitting on the couch. THAT didn't stress you at all. I have, in fact, left all the house work alone. Including leaving the blood in the bathroom floor from when I hurt you! All so I could let you rest. I think I have been pretty amazing to you this week, all things acounted for.

So, I know I havent been the best carer in the whole world. But I did get you antibiotics, and I do care for you a lot. And apart from a couple of things, I have treated you amazingly and perfectly as ordered by the doctor and Tane all week! So...could you please explain why, after a week of such wonderful treatment, you are now acting like a tantruming child and trying to cause me as much pain as you can? If you cannot explain, I shall possibly get agressive. Like 'walking the dog with you' agressive. Especially considering I shall not be medicating you tomorrow.


Letdown Owner.

Because I Can

Monday, May 9, 2011


*Note: not my usual content.*

My cat clogs the cushion on my desk, testimony to how much of a push over I am in that, despite the fact that I should be resting my foot upon it, I cannot be bothered disturbing her enough to reclaim it. Of course, it doesnt help that when I do put in a half hearted effort she delicately cites my foot; clear sign to back off and leave 'her' cushion be.

I sit here a little undecided. See, I began writing this post about half an hour ago. I'm not entirely sure why, or who for, only that it's something I need to write. I have had a lot of lables applied to me over the last nearly three years by various sects of the medical proffession, and most of them I really don't care about at all. However one of them really has begun to irk me. And I'm not entirely sure what irks me most; that I agree with it as a diagnosis, or that once that diagnosis was spoken that seems to be it...I had a lable, they were done with me. Nothing else mattered.

Actually, I think that would be it. That once that diagnosis was made, that was the end. And that is how the medical world works. They think they have you pinned neatly in a little box when they only have a tiny amount of the facts, and then they send you home and refuse to gather any more facts, because you're fixed. And I hate it.

See, about 6 months ago, I went to my doctor. I told her I believed I was in the middle of a misscarriage, and that I had taken a very positive test 6 days before. She got a pee sample and did her own test, to make sure, but then, before she even bothered to look at the rest for the results, she sat me down and gave me a long speech on how she knew it was very easy to believe in something that I wanted so very, very badly, believe in it enough that when I got my normal period I tricked myself into believing I had been pregnant, and now was becoming not so. She went on in this vein for a good five, maybe ten minutes, while I sat there in disbelief. I had no idea what to do. And then she dropped it. The diagnosis. She told me quite kindly that she believed I was depressed. Before even looking at the pregnancy test.

Now, I have no problems with diagnoses; normally a diagnosis to an issue is a good thing. However, this doctor had already, befopre doing that test for me, decided two things. One, that I was not pregnant, and had not been in quite some time. And two, that I was depressed and suffering dellusions. Forgive me for saying so, but I prefere a doctor who will look at all the facts before making any assumptions, not just some. I prefere a doctor who will collect test results before telling me my standing. And in over a year of desperately looking, I can safely say I have not found one.

Now, eventually, after her speech, this lady did look at the test results. And they did prove me to be right; 6 weeks in and loosing. And her only response to this was 'Oh. That's not what I was expecting.' which was quite disappointing to me as I was expecting an apology, at the very least. But for me, the point of this matter is that the damage was already done. Although I do agree that I am suffering a mild case of depression, I do not believe that she did the right thing in trying to convince me of this instead of looking at the facts (the test result) before she diagnosed. I agree with her that my desperation to concieve is appalling, and I agree with her that I am depressed, however I do not believe it fair of her, or any doctor, to presume before the facts are in.

So, in the future, all you people of the medical proffession....If you want patients to have faith in you, and stop double checking you....Be fair. Have the facts. Make a diagnosis based on ALL of the facts, not simply your personal opinion. Because it is the doctors, like this one, who make a bad name for the proffession. Doctors like this that make people like me give up on getting help.

Because I Can

Saturday, May 7, 2011

An Educational Week

I live by the view point that if I fail to learn something new each day, then it was not a day worth having had. If I go too many days without learning something I become upset and strive to change my life so I am able to learn something new, even if it is nothing more than a stray, interesting fact...such as the fact that Georgia was the historical home of wine!

Now, this past week, I must say I have learned a lot. I have been lonely, extremely tired, grumpy, injured and all out having a bad week. But I have learned so, so much.

I have learned that I have some amazingly awesome friends. I got messages from a couple of people the first night I was alone for the week, after my hubby left on a business trip, asking if I was lonely, ow I was sleeping, if I was going to be ok. And when I injured myself and needed stitches, a friend did not hesitate to race around, and take me to the emergency department, spending a sleepless night with me and my extremely bruitsalised foot. Said friend even made sure that I didn't have a moment of silence while we waited for hours fro the doctor to stitch me up, and kept me laughing the whole time, and my mind off my injury. And as soon as I let it be known that I was injured I was overwhelmed with text messages and face book emails asking if I needed help, offering me a place to stay next time he's away, and sinply wishing me well. So that was a lesson for my week.

Another, less painful lesson I learned was that when I am extremely tired, especially in the beautiful hours after midnight and just before dawn, I love to use chalks. To draw, to shade, to create, and if I don't have them to use, I become twitchy, grumpy,m and upset. What suprised me about this was the fact that I never realised this before, despite having used chalks in these hours many times before; I guess not having them makes the relation to them and late hours more marked :P

I have learned that my family are amazing. My husband is a wonderful person, and I have learned more with each day how wonderful he is, and how much I need him here (I need you to let me sleep now dear!) and how much I truly miss him when he is unable to be by my side. I have also learned exactly how much my attention span and ability to conduct a normal life are effected by his abscence; its like I become that kid with ADHD who cant do anything for more than 5 minutes, combined with enough hyperactivity to cause me to end up unable to sleep, dancing round my living room at 4am singing along to Pink. I mean, hell no >< And my mother in law; she never hesitated to give me a lift, or to come and pick me up to baby me and force me to take care of my injury.

And you know, I even discovered a new support in my own imediate family, which I would never have suspected. I mean, we burned a hell of a lot of bridges between us over the years, and at this point in my life I had decided there was never going to be a time that they were there for me. And yet when I called them with a problem this week they didnt hesitate to tell me to stop worrying, they had it covered. So I learned that maybe I have been a little harsh on some of them myself in recent years, maybe I should give them another chance...well, some of them. Not mother :P

So, despite this having been very similar to the week from hell for me, I know that it was a valuable week in my life, and for that I treasure it. I would regret my life without having had the enriching lessons that I found this past week. I also learned a lot about other people this week, about all the different personalities that surround us every day, and about how they all interact; how easy it is to make a whole emergency room laugh. So, despite it having been a bad week in some respects, I do believe this was a really, really good week :) Thank you very much to the people who made it such, and the events that shaped it :)

Because I Can

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Herbal Tea COmbinations.

I am now six weeks into this horrible 'diet' that the last person of dubious medical background who looked at me suggested. I have vetted it, and fine combed it, and have currently concluded that while most of it is utter, complete shit, some tiny pieces of what it contains are, in fact, relevant. So today let's focus on caffiene. Caffiene is found in our diets mainly in coffee, chocolate, tea and energy drinks. It has no effect on fertility, however it has been proven to have an adverse efect on the health of a pregnancy; if a woman drinks more than 2 cups of coffee or 3 cups of tea a day she has a 59% increased chance of miscarriage. That is roughly 100mg of caffiene.

So for me, a major tea drinker, this presented a problem. I don't drink tea for the caffiene, I drink it for the flavour, the milkiness, the ritual, and the only alternatives that do not contain caffiene are either herbal teas which are best drunk milk-less, or caro, which tastes exactly like instant coffee and is NOT my lover. Green tea's I do find quite good IF I can get hold of a good batch; however I haven't been able to in the past three weeks. It is possible that my home city is a little lacking in understanding of my obsessive need... So I decided to experiment with herbal tea's and milk, and see if I could find a combination that works satisfactorarily.

First up was Blackberry tea. It wasn't bad, quite bland, tasting mainly of watery milk despite a full 5 minutes of steeping. Colour was a faint brownish white, which was a little off putting, and smell was, as expected, a divine blackberry smell that belied the taste of the cup. Again, not bad, but not what I'm chasing. Next!

Next I tried Lipton's Alps: Red Fruit Herbal tea. Because of the colour of the tea, a deep rich pink, the cup turned a murky weak purple when milk was added; interesting but very dubious looking. It smelled divinely of strawberries and raspberries, and had a faint citrus taste mixed in with the weak milky flavour. The only bad I found about it was the ant that somehow hitched a lift into my cup with the tea bag. I fished it out before resuming my cup.

Third up, I tried a herbal from Lipton called Moroccan Spices with Mint. It smells beautiful, like chives and cinamon, and with milk added the smell remains and the colour is almost exactly 'normal tea'. And, if you drink it within five minutes, it tastes dreamfully wonderful. Sadly, if you leave it longer than that, as it cools the mint becomes the overpowering taste of the cup and I eventually decided not to finish it at all. I belive it would be a nice refreshing cup to have occasionally, but it certainly is not what I am looking for.

Lastly, I have tried Lemongrass and Ginger herbal tea with milk. It turns a pale yellowish colour with milk added, smells wonderfully of lemongrass, and bitterly disappoints with an over powering clogging taste of ginger. Even without milk, this tea is a complete disapointment to me, so I advise against it. Needs more lemongrass, less ginger peoples!!

So to wrap it up: None of thiese teas went very well with milk, which is a large disapointment to me, as I know the perfect tea exists out there, milk and all! I believe rosehip will work, but I cannot find any in perth...
Does anyone know where to get it?
DOes anyone know of any herbal teas that would benefit from milk?

Not trying camomile, for obvious reasons :P

Because I Can

Why I should be guarded...

Over the last week, my hubband has once again been absent due to work, and, once again, I am able to prove my incompetence as a human being in the abscence of a full time babysitter of my person. As always with these trips, I have barely slept. And, as always, this leads to amusing anecdotes of pain, mosfortune and plain idioct stemming from my deprivation of sleep, company and rationality. So today, I shall share with you my week.

Monday, after three hours sleep I got up at 6am to usher him into a taxi. I then believed I was about to start my week well, and attempted to go back to sleep...shit, this week isnt starting so well :P Sleep, why do we have to be enemies, my darling one? So, I crawled through Monday with the rationality of a brain starved zombie, feeding on anything caffienated I could get my havnds upon and muttering incoherent drivel of insult at any cheerful face I happened to come across. At some point I realised I was loving every minute of it, and my day took a nose dive at this realisation, because this must mark the departure of my last essential piece of sanity. Oh well, didn't need that anyhow!

Tuesday, I woke up, got dressed, did my make up, thought my day was going awesomly, believed it was the best Monday ever. Then I had lunch out with a friend, and when I came home, I forgot to remove my finger from the door resulting in a new lesson in the art of language for any listening ears. To cap it off, I logged into my computer at 9pm thinking 'well, at least its monday, I can play WoW to help with my insomnia', apparently it was Tuesday. Damnit. Underworld marathon, here I come baby!

Wednesday I awoke with 5 hours sleep under my belt, a beautiful record, just in time to rescue a parcel from the postie at my door, and realise the nightlare of family legal tangles landing in my lap. With the obligatory swearing, I then looked through them, and instantly decided to spend my day with legal aid, and a swear for you, one for me, one for you...
Just when I thought it was done, my day was great again, I had chowder, a gorgeous mixer drink, lovely music...I kicked a wine rack. At high speed. With my foot. I originally tjhought I was fine, but then the blood came, and then the blood came and then...well, I have to clean my bathroom from its crimson glaze. Luckily I had an awesome friend on hand nearby who was quick to come and dash me to the emergency department where they decided my foot was not about to fall off from any abnormalities, and I would require stitches, and would I mind waiting until close to dawn in the emergency room with a towel around my dripping foot in case I got blood on their floors? Of course, I would love to spend my Wednesday night here. I would love it so much in fact that my friend and I had the whole room in gales of laughter shortly before I was called in to be attended to.

15 attempts at filling my foot with local anaesthetic later, I had 5 stitches, multiple needle holes where they had tried to stitch me, a tetanus shot, bandages, pain killers, tape, no end of bad jokes, no sleep and a 6am sunrise special. You know what? I dont think leaving me alone is wise. At all. Seriously, it just asks for trouble :P So I spent the day with my mother in law, making bonsai's, annoying her dog with my dog and drinking copious tea, because there is nothing better!

Tomorrow, the last day, is another day. I plan to not move from my computer for the whole day in an attempt to at least preserve my life until such time as I can place it again in the hands of another for the time being, as lets face it folks, I appear safer that way! For now, good night, and with it comes the hope that I shall live to post another entertaining update of uncoordination another day ^^

Because I Can

Monday, April 11, 2011

A letter to Winter

Dear Winter,
You worried me this year. Summer came, and she stayed. Autumn decided a holiday was best, and never showed up. I began to worry that I would not see you this year. That maybe you too would not bother, and allow Madam Summer to continue her relentless reign over my country. I missed rain even more than I ever believed I would, having not seen it within this country for nearly six months, and longed for it constantly. I also missed the cold. I don't know if you remember, Winter, how I love your cold nights, sitting in the dark in the middle of a phenominal storm, hearing you tear the trees around outside. I've missed that, these last years living in the tame city. But I would have missed the cold and rain more. I've learned to live with them as friends, unlike the heat and sweat of Summer; we could never get along.

But then, just when I had given up all hope, you returned. You saw my front yard, and you dropped in to say hello. And you have stayed, for three whole days so far! You timed your arrival perfectly, calling at my door only a couple of hours after I had planted some roses, and you watered them for me all night; Winter, if that is your apology for your long absence, I accept. It was beautiful. My garden, which has suffered all summer, was in dire need of your tender touch. The ivy was dying, and the roses were wilting. Thank you for showing up in time for them.

And these last few days, they have been beautiful! Waking up to the sound of rain on my garden, drinking Caro outside while watching you gently lay your rain upon my garden...amazing. You also encourage me to be more healthy. You allow me to make wonderful soups full of whatever-I-found-in-the-fridge, and stews made of everything else, and I have discovered that, despite being vegetarian, my veggie intake has trippled in the last couple of days.

I just have one question. If summer gets to stay around for nearly six months, taking up autumn's time, why can't you come earlier, take summer's time and stay around for six months too??

Because I Can

Friday, April 8, 2011

Yet another week.

OK, so yet another week, yet another set of experiences.
I DID get my fence replaced this week, which was awesome. Note to anyone out there though, 5 star fencing is NOT a good company to use for fencing if you want honesty, actual work, and for them to get the job done without having to be pestered for two months straight. Thankfully they actually got the job done in time to prevent my dog from busting the fence down in her erratic eagerness to be outside the yard; some days she doesn't give a rats, bot others she's more than willing to dig her way single paw'd to China for a chance at freedom. Luckily that's been curbed now, and about time too. I was having trouble convincing her that while Jack Russels may appear to be tasty snacks they would, in fact, give her large amounts of indigestion.

My cat's have come almost to terms with having a dog. By this I mean life in this house has become terrifying. The other day I was hanging my washing when a cat boleted onto my lap, rapidly planned its next geurilla warfare tactic, then attacked the dog from my lap. I took a palm full of cat claws and an elbow full of dog teeth before flinging the cat over the fence and booting the dog. THEY both suffered minimal damages with the cat loosing a claw and the dog having a claw embeded in her eyebrow...coincidence? :P Since then the cat's have been attempting to make things up to me; this morning I caught them chasing packets of "Do Not Eat" round my house with merry enjoyment; guess who got the day outside?

The neighbourhood pets have, sadly, not come to terms quite as well as my own. The other day I was walking my monster, erm, dog, and a lovely old man with his jack russel stopped nearby; the Jack russel decided open warfare would be awesome and so I spent 5 minutes wrapped around a fence post holding my dog off while the old man told me how hard it must be for me, walking such a big, uncontrollable dog...I'm still uncertain as to wether he was purposefully standing there, keeping his dog near mine just for the giggles. As for the rabbits across the street...well, she hasn't caught them yet, so they're still fine, right?

There are some advantages about her though. I can walk around my neighbourhood at any hour of thge day or night without worrying now; Who'll attack a 5ft2 girl with a huge angry looking dog? I mean really, even the socially inept drop outs who stumble home slurring abuse think twice at the sight of her! The down side is that I know she's a wonderful, sweet hearted little docile critter at heart who, after catching anything would mourn its loss for weeks in the most adorably sad that reduces my comfort levels of her protection to a very basic nil. Oh well.

Because I Can

Monday, April 4, 2011

Diet Week One

Well, last week I went into this rather stranger little place near Fremantle called Remede Wellness Centre. I went in feeling more confident than I have in a while, and came out feeling...worried. I had been led to believe that the people at this place have a professional medical outlook on life, and the people they treat, and discovered instead that they are all about 'negative waves of energy' and similar amusing anecdotes, none of which are really going to help me. However, On the off chance that they have any ability to help me, or to diagnose my problem, I agreed to go onto an extremely healthy diet for them in exchange for them getting a hair sample analysed so we can figure out what, if anything, I have too much or too little of. It's honestly not that much different to my current diet, however there are a few key differences, one of which is that for the duration of my time on this diet they ask me to not have margerine, butter or cows milk, and to either completely eliminate black tea from my diet, or limit myself to two weak cups a day. They also ask that I have no fried foods at all, eat only brown wholemeal bread and rice, and cut out red meat in favour of fish. So, here's my impression on this new diet so far:

Tea: I hate not being able to mainstream this. I am the sort of person who will go through between 3 and 5 cups of tea on a normal day, however in a stressed day I may get as high as 8 or 9 cups. Now, I am not drinking more than one cup a day, and am suplimenting with some dreadful tasting organic green tea. My mood has the ability to become foul when I am in the process of drinking this stuff, and I am yet to find a suitable substitute.

Organic: When I was discussing diet with the clinic, they asked that I move to a completely organic diet. Now, I don't really see the benefits with this. I would be paying 3 times the price for my weekly shop no matter where I buy it, and I cannot see how the veggies are any better; I know all the arguments for organic veggies, but I cannot see how buying from a farmers market is anything but 'unanounced organic' and hey, I'm in refusal to up my grocery bill. They also want me drinking goats milk which I am allergic to. They do not want me drinking cows milk, and so far no reason has been given.

Diet: I already had a very healthy diet. I ate a ton of vegetables as my husband is vegetarian, and I rarely ever ate red meat, prefering chicken on the occasions that I did eat meat. I don't eat much at all in the way of sweet things, and I don't drink any coffee, or an excess amount of alcohol. SO really, all this diet has served to do is highlight how healthy my diet was, and to cut out all the good things in it. That couple of squares of chocolate every week. The tea I love. The drink or 3 on a saturday night. White rice. Cheese. Milk. A porterhouse steak every now and then. All gone. And I honestly cannot see how it is meant to have any effect on my fertility, cutting out a major source of iron (red meat), calcium (cows milk and cheese), Zinc (red meat) and a carbohydrate source (white rice). In fact, the more work I put into looking into this diet, the more ludicrous it seems.

My Doubts: Look, I'm all for getting help here. But when you look me straight in the eyes and say I should be very careful about my diet as no matter what I eat, or even what air I breathe, there are tiny chemicals that I will take in that will mimic other hormones and cause a 'huge hormonal imbalance', my main response is to laugh so hard I cry and cannot breathe. Sure, those chemicals exist, but not in anywhere near the numbers you're trying to scare me into thinking, and they do not have the effects you doomsday'd me about. The sad thing is I have more facts with a tiny bit of research than the clinic did.
Also, telling me that egg cells are 'made of and surrounded by zinc, therefore you need LOTS of zinc!' is a bad idea. I know I need lots of zinc, the menstrual cycle uses a lot of it, and zinc is imperative to fertility in both genders, however egg cells are not made of, nor are they surrounded by, Zinc. Check your facts. And if you cannot tell me WHY living next to high voltage power lines is ''very bad for your fertility!'' then I will: It isn't. Sure, in 20 years or so I may develop Leukemia, if I choose to live here that long, but a) thats not even a hard fact, and b) the power lines actually ARE proven to have no effect on my fertility. So suck it.

HOW is cutting out some major suppliers of dietary needs going to help my diet? How does cutting out an iron source and my main calcium source *help* my fertility in any way? ANd on top of all this, I fail to see how organic only food will help me any more than my already healthy vegetarian lifestyle was. However, considering the views of the doctors in this city, I guess I'm helpless to do anything about this yet as I need the help, and these people, while I have money, are willing to help me. Ah, how cynical am I...

Because I Can

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Infertility: 5 Things I've Learned

Prewarning, this isn't my normal. Sometimes one has to talk home truths. I hope me baring my soul here can help someone else though.

Over the last two and a half years my husband and I have tried very many times to achieve what most people can do without thinking about it. We've been trying really, really hard for kids. We've tried temperature and calendar methods, we've counted days, we've done blood tests, semen samples and sworn at doctors. We stopped drinking at all, we took vitamin suppliments, and we briefly entertained the idea that maybe its all about our house being wrong. Yes, we went *that* crazy. Or maybe I went that crazy, and he didn't know any other way of helping than to go along. I don't know. He's been awesome either way and I love him very much. Once or twice we've had near hits, and that makes oit that much harder each month to pick ourselves back up and carry on, and I think we're nearly at our limit. But what has made it so much harder isn't that we've had no success for two and a half years. It's that we've had no real help with our problem for that amount of time. So lets look at some home truths about infertility.

1) The White Elephant.
You know the game you used to play as a kid, where you would say 'don't think or talk about the white elephant' and no one won? Infertility is the adult version of that game. No one talks about it, ever, and then we talked to some of our friends one day and went 'WAAAAA infertility!' and they went 'OMG you too?'. Everyone we know has some relationship with it, whether it's just 'I had a miscarriage and we have used contraception since but GOD I want a baby!' or 'I'm never able to have kids, I'm way over weight and have advanced PCOS'. What I fail to understand is why it is such a hush hush topic? Ladies and gentlemen, in not talking about these things, we are shooting ourselves in the foot! You don't talk about it, and evryone ends up thinking they are the only one with any such issues, and let me tell you, that makes the suffering so, so much worse.

2) Doctors.
I'm sorry to burst the bubble for those out there who believe their doc can fix everything and is wonderful, but here is the home truth: Your doctor is simply human, just like everyone else you know, and therefore makes mistakes and has emotions just like everyone else. Your doctor is not infaliable. T (my man) and I have been to three doctors about our problems so far, and I have a fourth doctor I am going to begin seeing on Thursday. The first two doctors were terrible; one said my husband, who drank 3 to 5 standard drinks over the weekend and nothing during the week, was an alcoholic and that was where our problem came from. He also said that it didnt matter how irregular my periods were, if I was having them, I was perfectly fine and fertile. He lasted one appointment, and my husband still worries about his drinking today. Another doctor said that there was no way that my husband being vegetarian could have any adverse effects on his fertility. Not trusting this by now, we went home and did some research that showed a vegetarian diet leaves a man with no zinc, therefore lower sperm count. On to doc three. By now he was taking suppliments for zinc, and tests proved him perfect, so we looked at me: We've done it before, so It all works there, my bloods came back fine, doc couldnt find a thing to point at with me and wouldnt look at the items I was begging her to look at, ie Porgesterone levels. At the same time, she refused to refer us to any specialists, because I am, in her viev, too young to be having problems and the specialists won't want to look at me. So we were stuck now; doctors could no longer really help us, but they refused to refer us, despite us having tried for nearly three years now. Like I was saying, they're faliable and they're human. Both of these observations suck balls.

3) Age Works Against You Everywhere You Go.
I am 22 years old in several months. My husband is older than me by a few years. We have been trying for kids since I was 19 years old. In Australia, we are distinctly told if you have been unable to get pregnant for two or more years, go to your doctor and get them to refer you to a fertility specialist. Sadly, because of my age doctors will not do this for me; apparently fi I were 33 years old they would, quote, have no hesitation in refering you this instant, but you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Unquote. Yes, I do have my whole life ahead of me. I want to breed, have my kids now, in the next 5 to 10 years; not get to 33 and have the first of them. That is not only impractical, its unkind to the kids. I can give them more NOW. So HELP me. Oh wait, yeah, that stupid age thing. Age should not factor into fertility, but at the moment, it is the ONLY factor there seems to be.

4) Any Help You Can Find Is Overpriced.
Recently, my brother gave the the phone number of a place that he believes can help me, and after talking to the manager extensively, I agree. However, while my man and I are comfortable, we are not made of money. No one is. So this leads me to wonder how in my right mind I can justify paying $180 for an hour with someone just for a first consult? Per person? ANd it wasn't cheap before that either; going to the lackwit doctors we went to cost $60 per 15 minute session. The problem we are finding is that doctors know they have you by the proverbial balls when it comes to fertility issues. They know that if you are desperate enough to have to be there, you really cannot protest at the price. My worry is that while I am able to get the help I need, hopefully, or at least while I am able to AFFORD the help I need, what happens to those who cannot?

5) Family.
They are meant to be the support network, the people you fall back on, the ones you can cry all over and sometimes yell at for no damned good reason at all except that you're going off the rails and they love you enough to understand. Sometimes they're nmot. His family has been fantastic, and some of mine (thank you D&M!) have been a dream. But a lot of my family either simply do not understand, or are outright scornful. Apparently due to my age I should stop being an idiot, stop worrying and stressing as obviously thats the problem and things will happen. Or the better argument: Get over your grief and move on like a normal person. And the cincher? Doesn't matter if you've gotten over the grief, or if you are not stressing, or worrying; denying you need to do these things reinforces to them that they are right and you are delusional. Sadly it is not allowable to round house them, so you have to smile, grit your teeth, and run an internal monologue of swearing.

So there you have it folks, my findings so far in my quest for actual help. Anyone in Perth, Remede Wellness Centre are very happy to help, have wonderful attitudes, and despite the pricing (or because of it?) give me confidence. Good luck!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Study on Humanities Quest for Idiocy

Well, I've been having a ball recently. No, really! I have become fascinated with the lengths people unconsciously go to to in order to unknowingly become an idiot, and by fascinated I mean 'is watching avidly and has forgotten that the popcorn exists'.

I called the bank 4 weeks ago to get my card reissued with my married name on it; having worked in a similar industry I know that issuing a card like that is very easy indeed. So I breezed through the process, cheerily said goodbye to the young lady on the other end of the phone...and opened my mail the next week in bemused amazment. I had an awesome, shiny new card...with my old name. Take two, I called back, tried it all again, and the next week got the right name on the card (Check!) pin number. Seriously people, where is my pin?! So...take three...they agreed to just dodgify some facts in the system and allow me to continue using my old pin as neither the call centre or I trust that another mail out is going to get it right :P

And my fence! THAT is an ongoing saga and a half, let me tell you! :P It's been broken for coming up three months now, and the fencing company is regaling me with a series of awesomely funny excuses as to why they cannot fix it yet; I say funny as some of them are os bad they directly contradict their earlier statments. Firstly they 'would get to it next week, we have what we need to fix it, but we have a lot of other jobs to do'. Fine, I can deal with that. Then they tried to tell the strata company they had already fixed it; how stupid do they think I am?! And now they tell me 'we can't get the materials to fix it right now due to the cyclone in Queensland, we'll try to fix it bt the end of the month'. HOW stupid do they believe me to be? I'm not sure, but they've got the strata company, hook line and sinker. What I want to know is how the materials they had two months ago to fix my fence ended up in Queensland?

Here's the prize of the day; a tale from the recent travels of my husband and I. And it totally beats the previous ones, infact, it's my unquestioned favourite. The man and I decided to take a train from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to Singapore...Singapore. Don't do it, it's disgusting. Anyhow, after an appaling 7 hours travel, only 4 of which the train had spent actually moving at all, we arrive at the check point just inside the Singaporean boarder. Hop off the train, passports at the ready, and we're all faced with BIG signs that looked like this:

There was a lot of writing underneath in not english, but basically it meant 'we're serious, don't p*ss us off, kk?' My husband and I respected that sign, and we obeyed. Just after that we were waiting in line to have our passports checked and two things happened. One, we saw another sign that looked like this:

but with a list of things under it that went like this: We can and will confiscate and delete any pictures you take. We can and will arrest you, charge you, fine you. We may shoot you.

This being Singapore, we believed them. LOTS. Secondly, we started chatting to an american dude in the line with us, recently from Thailand. Finally, we got to the front, passed through uneventfully, and lined up to get back on the train...and waited to be allowed. And waited. FINALLY 45 minutes later here comes the american dude. Hi, what kept you? we asked. Oh, I took a picture, and they got all upset, and started yelling, and took me into a room and made me give them my camera, and they deleted the photo, I'm really not happy about it hey! We looked at him for a few seconds. Did you see the signs saying 'dont take photos' at all? we asked. Sure enough... Yeah, thats what I was taking a photo of!
And if thats not bad enough: Didn't you see the other signs that basically said 'don't annoy us, we will shoot you?
OH WOW, where are they?! They would make AWESOME photo's to show the dudes back home!!

So there we have it; my study on humanities attempt, albeit unconsciously, to become completely bafflingly idiotic. It has been awesome fun!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Well...its currently nearly half past 8 in the morning, and I am in the bath with the tap dripping on my knee as apparently it doesn't know how to NOT. I feel amazingly frazzled. You left on a work trip yesterday morning, and things haven't been right since. I miss you terribly, and my week is looking bleak without you. Not ony isit looking bleak, it is looking empty, bar sleepless nights, as apparently I once again have insomnia. You leaving me alone should be banned for the sake of my mental health!

And because of this, I have made a decission. I know I cannot fly over to be with you right now, though god help me, I really really would totally want to do that, so instead,next time you have to go on on of these trips, ima come too! I know that means finding someone to sit the animals and look after the house. I know thats a possibly expensive thing. But I don't care. I miss you. I would do anything to be with you right now. I watched the sun come up this morning at 5am, I had a shower at 4.

By the end of this week I will have drunk enough coffee to be immune to it.

So I think we need to take the 'have and to hold' thing majorly serious, an have and hold each other everywhere we have to go. I'll come too next time. And we'll both continue sleeping, which is something I am currently wishing for like mad. And we'll spend every moment we can cuddling. I'll see you on Saturday, and that day cannot come soon enough, love.

Because I Can

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Pre Travel Worries...Pt 1

Outside in my yard there is a dog, chewing away on a rubber squeaky toy with an expression of perpetual bliss on her face. Inside my head there is a little person begging shutupshutupI'mtryingtothink..... But I know by now that won't happen; thinking simply is not as important as her being able to play with that toy. It doesnt help that behind my back two cats are exchanging a glance that says quite clearly and smugly we told her so. It really helps me to know that in two dys time I'm leaving all these insane critters behind me for 8 days and going to a place where I can go to the markets at night and buy lots of cheap alcohol! And by 4am on Saturday when I have to get out the door to a plane, I'll really be looking foward to that...

There are so many thing I didn't think I would ever have to contemplate about travelling, and the irony is that none of them have anything to do with being out of the country. I'm terrified of leaving my house keys with other people for 8 days. Not because I don't know these people; they're our best friends. No, it's mainly because I keep thinking terribly thoughts such as should I hide the 'toys' in case they happen to open that drawer by the bed and get a look into our lives they NEVER wanted?? or My cat is refusing to come out of the closet (literally and figuratively!), who will give her milky milo to coax her out?! I know these thoughts are crazy. Almost as crazy as feeding my cat, who vet's tell me should not be able to taste sweet, milo.

Milo for my cat is not quite as insane as realising that my dog has busted the qsqueaker in her favourite toy and having the thought I should go get her a new one or ALL my animals will be sulking! cat just sneezed. All over my almost packed baggage.

Because I Can

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Topsy Turvy Houseland!

My household has been making a few adjustments recently, and so everyone, that being my hubby, 2 cats and myself, has been at least a little on edge. It has really been a humungous learning curve. Sadly...we are not finished yet! :P

To my dear cats: I would absolutely love it if you would learn the new location of the litter tray. It has been there for THREE GODAMNED WEEKS now. Surely that is long enough to stop shitting beside my washing machine and peeing in my basket of clean but nmot yet hung washing? Also, how is it that whenever I have the laundry door closed you never miss the tray. Freaks :P

Now, I'll admit, the lives of my cats have been hell recently. I recently took on an awesome dog. A BIG dog. A friendly dog. A ridgeback x mastiff, to be precise, who at 9 years old is a senior citizen and an old family friend. As you could believe, my cats are not too fond of this; their first reaction was total disbelief - You're kidding, that is TOTALLY not staying in my house Mum- followed instantly with an attempt to look like a capital A, loosing half a kilo of fur between them, demonstrating their ability to spit like champions and then a complete lack of cat throughout most of my house. One of them is still sitting in the cupboard in my room in the deepest darkest part she can find and ordering room service daily.

I suppose it really isn't helping her nerves that my husband's homebrew beer recently decided that it loved the idea of exploding, showering my computer room in beer and glass shards, and setting the dog off into excited barking, rapidly followed by terrified hissing from the cats who were certain that any noise from the dog meant she was hungry, specifically for cat. I sat on my laundry floor unable to breathe through laughter while thinking "No one is crazier than me..."

And on Friday night the man and I fly to Kuala Lumpur. For a week. And leave our best friends with our loving dog, our terrified closet cat and the other terrified manly cat. Who thinks that attacking the dog is way better than trying to just ignore her. I am totally leaving my phone at home and enjoying a week where I can pretend that these animals are ABSOLUTELY not my fault, problem or concern.

What I have learned so far: A cat who thinks that strange looking animla outside the window may be hostile can put their paw through a flyscreen in abnout .2 of a second flat with no effort, and you only hear the hissing afterward.
When they hear cars hissing, dogs start barking in a cheerful, and totally unhelpful, manner. This results in a new hat consisting of 1 Angry Cat for me.
Do not even bother vaccuming for at least a week after introducing a new dog to your cats. Those cats hate you so much they will actively shed on everything they can, and by shed I mean they were saving it all for this occasion.
Sitting on the floor and laughing slightly hysterically will freak your cats out more. It will also cause the man to come running in asking in increasingly worried tones whats wrong, while all you can do is gasp in the occasional breathe and cackle senslessly through the tears.
Ah, the educational wonders...

Because I can

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Life is like Bingo

There are few things I really hate in life. But sadly, I think most of them have been triggered this week, and for me I think that's a new reccord. It's like playing Bingo, but with pet hates, and I won, which NEVER happens with real Bingo because I DO NOT PLAY IT.

Number one on my list has always been People Who are Amazingly Incompetent At Their Jobs, also known as bundles of complete fail. That girl at the bank who issued me a new card in my OLD name after changing my details so thast my new card SHOULD have been in my new name? Fail. And that fact that it took her 45 minutes to complete this incredible act? Priceless.

OH, and this goes out to Mark at Fivestar Fencing. For starters mate, five star implies that not only do you know what you're doing, but you can do it well. I think you not only need to change the Business name, but the Business. Stat. Because I think it's REALLY unprofessional to come round and look at my fence to give me a quote for fixing it, only to say that while it is indeed broken, you can't fix it...and not give a suitable reason. It is even more unprofessional to then call my husband a week later and say 'I'll come fix it tomorrow before lunch time.' and then
never show up. At all. I hope you enjoy the lovely voice mail I left you, and also the one my strata manager left you that effectively ensures that you don't come back here again. Because you have a habit of stuffing up.

Another thing I hate; idiot neighbours annoying the hell out of the whole strata block. You know dude, that's not a wise move, especially since you're only renting and the rest of us now angry hornets are owners. First rule for renters who dont want to piss off the other people around them; On a recycle week, do NOT put your RUBBISH in our RECYCLE bins. If you do, our bins wont get emptied, and they also get big stickers on them saying why. And then YOU get a whole horde of angry and upset owners on your doorstep asking if you know WTF a rubbish bin or tip is and could you KINDLY use it or we will be pleased to enforce our request? ><

See? Like I said, not many things that push my angry at everyone buttons. And they don't usually get pushed, so this week has been entertaining...for me. For the people I dealt with, it has been less than pleasant, but you know what? If you didn't TRY to piss me off, I wouldnt rub your face in your incompetence.

Because I Can