*Note: not my usual content.*
My cat clogs the cushion on my desk, testimony to how much of a push over I am in that, despite the fact that I should be resting my foot upon it, I cannot be bothered disturbing her enough to reclaim it. Of course, it doesnt help that when I do put in a half hearted effort she delicately cites my foot; clear sign to back off and leave 'her' cushion be.
I sit here a little undecided. See, I began writing this post about half an hour ago. I'm not entirely sure why, or who for, only that it's something I need to write. I have had a lot of lables applied to me over the last nearly three years by various sects of the medical proffession, and most of them I really don't care about at all. However one of them really has begun to irk me. And I'm not entirely sure what irks me most; that I agree with it as a diagnosis, or that once that diagnosis was spoken that seems to be it...I had a lable, they were done with me. Nothing else mattered.
Actually, I think that would be it. That once that diagnosis was made, that was the end. And that is how the medical world works. They think they have you pinned neatly in a little box when they only have a tiny amount of the facts, and then they send you home and refuse to gather any more facts, because you're fixed. And I hate it.
See, about 6 months ago, I went to my doctor. I told her I believed I was in the middle of a misscarriage, and that I had taken a very positive test 6 days before. She got a pee sample and did her own test, to make sure, but then, before she even bothered to look at the rest for the results, she sat me down and gave me a long speech on how she knew it was very easy to believe in something that I wanted so very, very badly, believe in it enough that when I got my normal period I tricked myself into believing I had been pregnant, and now was becoming not so. She went on in this vein for a good five, maybe ten minutes, while I sat there in disbelief. I had no idea what to do. And then she dropped it. The diagnosis. She told me quite kindly that she believed I was depressed. Before even looking at the pregnancy test.
Now, I have no problems with diagnoses; normally a diagnosis to an issue is a good thing. However, this doctor had already, befopre doing that test for me, decided two things. One, that I was not pregnant, and had not been in quite some time. And two, that I was depressed and suffering dellusions. Forgive me for saying so, but I prefere a doctor who will look at all the facts before making any assumptions, not just some. I prefere a doctor who will collect test results before telling me my standing. And in over a year of desperately looking, I can safely say I have not found one.
Now, eventually, after her speech, this lady did look at the test results. And they did prove me to be right; 6 weeks in and loosing. And her only response to this was 'Oh. That's not what I was expecting.' which was quite disappointing to me as I was expecting an apology, at the very least. But for me, the point of this matter is that the damage was already done. Although I do agree that I am suffering a mild case of depression, I do not believe that she did the right thing in trying to convince me of this instead of looking at the facts (the test result) before she diagnosed. I agree with her that my desperation to concieve is appalling, and I agree with her that I am depressed, however I do not believe it fair of her, or any doctor, to presume before the facts are in.
So, in the future, all you people of the medical proffession....If you want patients to have faith in you, and stop double checking you....Be fair. Have the facts. Make a diagnosis based on ALL of the facts, not simply your personal opinion. Because it is the doctors, like this one, who make a bad name for the proffession. Doctors like this that make people like me give up on getting help.
Because I Can