Saturday, November 12, 2011

Perfect Stalker Deterant!

I recently decided to try surfing through Facebook until I could find a game that my male Facebook stalker would hopefully not stoop to playing. Not necessarily a game that I myself would enjoy, simply a game that I could tell my partner "I have been playing this for three weeks and he still hasn't started playing it! I believe that I found said game in Perfect Wedding. Not that it is a game I wou;ld be able to play for three weeks, let alone a week, but it is certainly one I do not believe my stalking friend will ever stoop to playing.

I am on the loading screen, and already this is quite sickening. The loading screen is in varying shades of horrific pink, and the loading bar is a giant diamond ring. Im going to call this social research. And then the music struck in. Dear god. It makes me think of candy floss and perfect things, and sickeningly cute children in cherubic outfits. It makes me want to throw up, run away, AND commit mass destruction just to get it to stop. Definitely aimed at the highschool cheerleader type.

The game has barely loaded and the first thing I see is a fire breathing bride screaming at her cowering husband in the middle of the reception hall. Now that is more like what I would expect from the cheerleader type...but surely far from perfect? The instructios order that I pick up the guests, place them at the table, take their gifts and then feed them. For every action they give me a giant diamond ring. Loaded guests, but the heavy hint that I should do the marriage thing gets on my nerves.

All the while, the sickening sweet music continues in a high, off key tone. On repeat. Kill me now.

To my horror I realise I am not alone in playing this abomination. Some of my friends have been playing a while, with quite a few levels under their belts.I know for a certainty that I will be blocking this game very shortly after just a little more research into its appalling nature.

So far, apart from the constrant repeat of sickening music driving me slowly over the brink into insanity, the amount of bugs this game possesses is highly annoying me - or maybe thats just the music destroying me. The game freezes randomly, requires reloading frequently, and has graphic bugs such as food becoming stuck to the waiter's arm; hilarious to watch, but annoying to have to work with considering the waiter doesnt realise the food is there, and the guests get pissed off and annoyed. The only good part of this entire scenario os the response of the bride. Seeing her guests being refused service by their waiter she promptly gets upset and starts screaming at her poor abused husband, breathing fire all the while as the poor man cowers beneath her wroth and probably wonders what the hell he just got himself into. Honestly, the woman needs a slap.

And, when you are finally done with that disasterous wedding and hellion of a bride, you get no rest. Instead, you go home, have a cold shower, change into some currently unglared upon clothing and answer some new bridezilla's request that you organise HER wedding. OH LOOK! They even added the personal touch of letting you choose the new bride to be from your female friends. Then, you get to dress her as the bride of your choice; so I guess that means, pick your least favourite and set to work with the shears...just to make your time playing a tiny bit more appealing to your wickedly over done sense of humour.

Personally, I think I achieved my goal with this game. I found a game that no male worth his man card would ever willingly stalk me into. However, in doing so, I think I went that tiny bit too far, as *I* do not want to play it, and currently want to scrub myself clean. So...brb after three hours of scrubbing the greasy horrible feel of the game from my skin!

Because I Can

No comments:

Post a Comment