Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Neighbourhood of Weird

My neighbourhood is a weird, wacky and strange place. I love it to bits for all of the amusing happenings that occur in it, and for these things allowing me to go unnoticed as the strange person I am. I mean, I am the sort of person who will happily walk out of my house in a medieval dress and cloak with one of my black cats in my arms. On an average day. And that is mild. My neighbourhood however, puts me firmly in normal.

Take the people half a block over, for example. I never see or hear from them until...Friday morning. On the dot of 11am. Every Friday, without fail, they gather the whole family, and I mean everyone, for a bottle shop run. I guess they have got to love centrelink pay day ^^

Or the guy who likes watering his garden in...the fresh. I mean, thats all well and good mate, we all have our quirks. But you know, it's really a little off putting to us all. And considering the brick wall, which comes up to your chest height, maybe it would be wiser next time to just keep watering your garden? If you hadn't done that mad sprint of caught outness I would *never* have even considered it. Honestly dude. I mean, I thought ALL guys watered the garden topless...

And then there's the junk mail war. Honestly, before I got pulled into this, albeit as a firm side line watcher, I had no idea that grown, adult men could act as childishly as this. One of them hates junk mail, so gets a ban put on ALL the mail boxes. The other, just for giggles, makes up a sign requesting junk mail. And now the first guy is trying to figure a way to get the second kicked out of the units...over junk mail...and they both claim that the other is the immature one. Good gods.

So, while all these quirks are happening on my street, I think I'll settle back and watch. Rest my toe so that when my kick ass bike boots arrive I can put them on and wear them everywhere for a week. I may even put on a medieval dress and pointed hat, collect one of my black cats and go sit on the mail boxes for a while. With an awesome book, like 'The Story of O'. That may just solve everything!

Because I Can

Sunday, May 15, 2011

An Attempt to Make a Good Evening.

I've found myself in a depressive cycle recently. Something catches my eye that reminds me of something, which drags up memories, which sends me into a spiral, and when I try to claw my way back up, I just find that I get dragged further into it. Generally I end up hiding in my corner, wishing for a new day, wishing I could wake up just once and find that I feel excited to be awake instead of wishing I was holding my son, or even able to know I can have more. So, while I still don't know how to get out of this cycle, or how to fix it, I have a couple of ideas. Tonight, my idea is to try to write about my most cherished memories. Who knows, it may help, right?

So...just a few of my favourite memories of all time. My Dad, throwing me up in the air when I was three. Making gingerbread men with Mum when I was 5; we got icing everywhere, and I even got it all through my hair, but I was giggling like a loon the whole time. Best part was eating them afterward, obviously :P
Becoming a big sister; no longer was I the youngest, no longer was I the only kid at home, I now had a friend, a play mate, someone to look after, cherish and love. My little siblings are both amazing and wonderful people, and I love them very, very much. ^^
My first sleep over. Granted, it was at my cousins house, so doesnt even really count, but I was so excited about it. I remember Mum said I couldnt go if I still had my cold by the end of the week, and I was so worried she wouldnt let me go that every time I needed to cough I would run to my room and cough into my pillow so she wouldnt hear me :)

So...recent years? Well...Dancing round my best friend's bedroom to Shania Twain and laughing hysterically as we recovered from a tickle fight at 1am on the morning of my 16th birthday.
Meeting my wonderful husband. I was at a friend's birthday party, and she took me outside and sat me down in a group of people, some of whom I vaguely knew, others I knew nothing of, and there he was, discissing the benefits of having fridges in bedrooms with the girlfriend of one of my school mates. By the way dearling, I still believe you were terrible to allow me to get drunk that night; I still have no idea at all how I managed to hide that fact from mum! :D

Obtaining an awesome, amazing new family. I never believed that having in-laws would be a wonderful experience, but I could never have been more wrong. My mother in law is the most amazing mother in the world, and my sister in law is amazing.

Becoming a mother. were a beautiful baby. You were perfect, and gorgeous, and adorable.

Getting married. Three years in this year and still going strong despite our hurdles :)

Watching the massive storm that hit my city two years ago from the kitchen at my mother in laws house. She has these amazing floor to ceiling windows throughout the kitchen, and we sat there, looking out via candle light at the amazing storm raging around us...just beautiful.

Traveling to Malaysia and Singapore early this year. I met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences. It was a beautiful trip, and my first out of the country; I loved it :)

Destroying my toe on a wine rack. Admittedly, the experience itself was not at all funny or wonderful, and is still making my life pretty hard, however the experience of laughing so hard I could barely breathe in an emergency room for three hours was golden. I loved it, and do not regret the destruction of my toe; after all, I came out with an awesome story to tell ;)

So...Admittedly, this hasn't made me feel 100% better. But it has improved my night. And it has allowed me to relook through my life, and remember some of the awesome moments. Especially those of the last few years. And it has made me realise that while I do have a hard time getting out of this depressive cycle, I have a wonderful family and some absolutely amazing friends right here with me to help.

Because I Can

Pie Maker Randomness

The other day I was walking around BigW with my other half, and I did something I've been meaning to do for a very long time. I bought a pie maker. I didnt need this item. I probably wont use it every day like I do my kettle. But I wanted it, and had done so for a long, long time. It was a calculated impulse buy.

You see, a couple of years ago, a guy we were good friends with bought one. Not because he really wanted it, or would use it lots. Not because it was useful, or even interesting. Mainly because he was bored, had a tiny amount of left over cash, and he happened to see it in the split second when he was deciding wether to spend that money on something shiny or something edible. When he got it home, he ranted at us about it for an hour or so, then the next day we made pies. And I thought it was awesome. Best pie's ever ^^ Very little work, whatever filling you want, and the knmowledge you made them yourself and that they're as healthy or as fatty as you want.

He stopped using it after about a week. Too much effort. Boring. Not exciting any more. And I always thought it was awaste of money, considering what he did with it. Locking it in a cupboard and forgetting it even existed. Three months down the track he had forgotten even buying it. And I must admit, this irked me. I mean, this guy was always a little bit like that. Buying things on random impulse when he couldnt affords them and had no use for them, throwing them out instead of reselling them when he got bored, buying the most expensive item because, despite not having the money, that made it the better item. Annoying.

But I now have a pie maker. I love it, it is awesome, easy to use, and it has saved me a lot o work over the last couple of weeks while my toe heals. Best of all is the knowledge that I didn't buy it on random impulse. I bought it because I knew I would use it and I already loved it. So, despite that friendship being long dead that story sticks in my head. I still wonder if, with time, that man could have come to realise how much he was throwing away in his life. But I came out of it with the main message: Buy a pie maker, they rule! ^^

Because I Can.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Dear Toe

I understand I have offended you. I understand that I hurt you, and upset you. I know I made us bleed, and that you had to get stitches. But, over all, I have spent the time since then looking after you. I have coddled you, washed you and redressed you every day. I have sat with you resting and bored myself silly doing nothing *but* make sure you are feeling ok.

I know, I know, taking you shopping tonight probably was not the best plan in the world. I could have thought that one through. But I was very careful to put as little weight on you as I possibly could, and it wasn't like I had a choice about carrying groceries! And even then I tried to be kind to you and put all the weight on my other side...

However this week has been great. I haven't done more than a couple of sinkfuls of dishes on you this week, remember? And I hung washing on the clothes horse, inside, while sitting on the couch. THAT didn't stress you at all. I have, in fact, left all the house work alone. Including leaving the blood in the bathroom floor from when I hurt you! All so I could let you rest. I think I have been pretty amazing to you this week, all things acounted for.

So, I know I havent been the best carer in the whole world. But I did get you antibiotics, and I do care for you a lot. And apart from a couple of things, I have treated you amazingly and perfectly as ordered by the doctor and Tane all week! So...could you please explain why, after a week of such wonderful treatment, you are now acting like a tantruming child and trying to cause me as much pain as you can? If you cannot explain, I shall possibly get agressive. Like 'walking the dog with you' agressive. Especially considering I shall not be medicating you tomorrow.


Letdown Owner.

Because I Can

Monday, May 9, 2011


*Note: not my usual content.*

My cat clogs the cushion on my desk, testimony to how much of a push over I am in that, despite the fact that I should be resting my foot upon it, I cannot be bothered disturbing her enough to reclaim it. Of course, it doesnt help that when I do put in a half hearted effort she delicately cites my foot; clear sign to back off and leave 'her' cushion be.

I sit here a little undecided. See, I began writing this post about half an hour ago. I'm not entirely sure why, or who for, only that it's something I need to write. I have had a lot of lables applied to me over the last nearly three years by various sects of the medical proffession, and most of them I really don't care about at all. However one of them really has begun to irk me. And I'm not entirely sure what irks me most; that I agree with it as a diagnosis, or that once that diagnosis was spoken that seems to be it...I had a lable, they were done with me. Nothing else mattered.

Actually, I think that would be it. That once that diagnosis was made, that was the end. And that is how the medical world works. They think they have you pinned neatly in a little box when they only have a tiny amount of the facts, and then they send you home and refuse to gather any more facts, because you're fixed. And I hate it.

See, about 6 months ago, I went to my doctor. I told her I believed I was in the middle of a misscarriage, and that I had taken a very positive test 6 days before. She got a pee sample and did her own test, to make sure, but then, before she even bothered to look at the rest for the results, she sat me down and gave me a long speech on how she knew it was very easy to believe in something that I wanted so very, very badly, believe in it enough that when I got my normal period I tricked myself into believing I had been pregnant, and now was becoming not so. She went on in this vein for a good five, maybe ten minutes, while I sat there in disbelief. I had no idea what to do. And then she dropped it. The diagnosis. She told me quite kindly that she believed I was depressed. Before even looking at the pregnancy test.

Now, I have no problems with diagnoses; normally a diagnosis to an issue is a good thing. However, this doctor had already, befopre doing that test for me, decided two things. One, that I was not pregnant, and had not been in quite some time. And two, that I was depressed and suffering dellusions. Forgive me for saying so, but I prefere a doctor who will look at all the facts before making any assumptions, not just some. I prefere a doctor who will collect test results before telling me my standing. And in over a year of desperately looking, I can safely say I have not found one.

Now, eventually, after her speech, this lady did look at the test results. And they did prove me to be right; 6 weeks in and loosing. And her only response to this was 'Oh. That's not what I was expecting.' which was quite disappointing to me as I was expecting an apology, at the very least. But for me, the point of this matter is that the damage was already done. Although I do agree that I am suffering a mild case of depression, I do not believe that she did the right thing in trying to convince me of this instead of looking at the facts (the test result) before she diagnosed. I agree with her that my desperation to concieve is appalling, and I agree with her that I am depressed, however I do not believe it fair of her, or any doctor, to presume before the facts are in.

So, in the future, all you people of the medical proffession....If you want patients to have faith in you, and stop double checking you....Be fair. Have the facts. Make a diagnosis based on ALL of the facts, not simply your personal opinion. Because it is the doctors, like this one, who make a bad name for the proffession. Doctors like this that make people like me give up on getting help.

Because I Can

Saturday, May 7, 2011

An Educational Week

I live by the view point that if I fail to learn something new each day, then it was not a day worth having had. If I go too many days without learning something I become upset and strive to change my life so I am able to learn something new, even if it is nothing more than a stray, interesting fact...such as the fact that Georgia was the historical home of wine!

Now, this past week, I must say I have learned a lot. I have been lonely, extremely tired, grumpy, injured and all out having a bad week. But I have learned so, so much.

I have learned that I have some amazingly awesome friends. I got messages from a couple of people the first night I was alone for the week, after my hubby left on a business trip, asking if I was lonely, ow I was sleeping, if I was going to be ok. And when I injured myself and needed stitches, a friend did not hesitate to race around, and take me to the emergency department, spending a sleepless night with me and my extremely bruitsalised foot. Said friend even made sure that I didn't have a moment of silence while we waited for hours fro the doctor to stitch me up, and kept me laughing the whole time, and my mind off my injury. And as soon as I let it be known that I was injured I was overwhelmed with text messages and face book emails asking if I needed help, offering me a place to stay next time he's away, and sinply wishing me well. So that was a lesson for my week.

Another, less painful lesson I learned was that when I am extremely tired, especially in the beautiful hours after midnight and just before dawn, I love to use chalks. To draw, to shade, to create, and if I don't have them to use, I become twitchy, grumpy,m and upset. What suprised me about this was the fact that I never realised this before, despite having used chalks in these hours many times before; I guess not having them makes the relation to them and late hours more marked :P

I have learned that my family are amazing. My husband is a wonderful person, and I have learned more with each day how wonderful he is, and how much I need him here (I need you to let me sleep now dear!) and how much I truly miss him when he is unable to be by my side. I have also learned exactly how much my attention span and ability to conduct a normal life are effected by his abscence; its like I become that kid with ADHD who cant do anything for more than 5 minutes, combined with enough hyperactivity to cause me to end up unable to sleep, dancing round my living room at 4am singing along to Pink. I mean, hell no >< And my mother in law; she never hesitated to give me a lift, or to come and pick me up to baby me and force me to take care of my injury.

And you know, I even discovered a new support in my own imediate family, which I would never have suspected. I mean, we burned a hell of a lot of bridges between us over the years, and at this point in my life I had decided there was never going to be a time that they were there for me. And yet when I called them with a problem this week they didnt hesitate to tell me to stop worrying, they had it covered. So I learned that maybe I have been a little harsh on some of them myself in recent years, maybe I should give them another chance...well, some of them. Not mother :P

So, despite this having been very similar to the week from hell for me, I know that it was a valuable week in my life, and for that I treasure it. I would regret my life without having had the enriching lessons that I found this past week. I also learned a lot about other people this week, about all the different personalities that surround us every day, and about how they all interact; how easy it is to make a whole emergency room laugh. So, despite it having been a bad week in some respects, I do believe this was a really, really good week :) Thank you very much to the people who made it such, and the events that shaped it :)

Because I Can

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Herbal Tea COmbinations.

I am now six weeks into this horrible 'diet' that the last person of dubious medical background who looked at me suggested. I have vetted it, and fine combed it, and have currently concluded that while most of it is utter, complete shit, some tiny pieces of what it contains are, in fact, relevant. So today let's focus on caffiene. Caffiene is found in our diets mainly in coffee, chocolate, tea and energy drinks. It has no effect on fertility, however it has been proven to have an adverse efect on the health of a pregnancy; if a woman drinks more than 2 cups of coffee or 3 cups of tea a day she has a 59% increased chance of miscarriage. That is roughly 100mg of caffiene.

So for me, a major tea drinker, this presented a problem. I don't drink tea for the caffiene, I drink it for the flavour, the milkiness, the ritual, and the only alternatives that do not contain caffiene are either herbal teas which are best drunk milk-less, or caro, which tastes exactly like instant coffee and is NOT my lover. Green tea's I do find quite good IF I can get hold of a good batch; however I haven't been able to in the past three weeks. It is possible that my home city is a little lacking in understanding of my obsessive need... So I decided to experiment with herbal tea's and milk, and see if I could find a combination that works satisfactorarily.

First up was Blackberry tea. It wasn't bad, quite bland, tasting mainly of watery milk despite a full 5 minutes of steeping. Colour was a faint brownish white, which was a little off putting, and smell was, as expected, a divine blackberry smell that belied the taste of the cup. Again, not bad, but not what I'm chasing. Next!

Next I tried Lipton's Alps: Red Fruit Herbal tea. Because of the colour of the tea, a deep rich pink, the cup turned a murky weak purple when milk was added; interesting but very dubious looking. It smelled divinely of strawberries and raspberries, and had a faint citrus taste mixed in with the weak milky flavour. The only bad I found about it was the ant that somehow hitched a lift into my cup with the tea bag. I fished it out before resuming my cup.

Third up, I tried a herbal from Lipton called Moroccan Spices with Mint. It smells beautiful, like chives and cinamon, and with milk added the smell remains and the colour is almost exactly 'normal tea'. And, if you drink it within five minutes, it tastes dreamfully wonderful. Sadly, if you leave it longer than that, as it cools the mint becomes the overpowering taste of the cup and I eventually decided not to finish it at all. I belive it would be a nice refreshing cup to have occasionally, but it certainly is not what I am looking for.

Lastly, I have tried Lemongrass and Ginger herbal tea with milk. It turns a pale yellowish colour with milk added, smells wonderfully of lemongrass, and bitterly disappoints with an over powering clogging taste of ginger. Even without milk, this tea is a complete disapointment to me, so I advise against it. Needs more lemongrass, less ginger peoples!!

So to wrap it up: None of thiese teas went very well with milk, which is a large disapointment to me, as I know the perfect tea exists out there, milk and all! I believe rosehip will work, but I cannot find any in perth...
Does anyone know where to get it?
DOes anyone know of any herbal teas that would benefit from milk?

Not trying camomile, for obvious reasons :P

Because I Can

Why I should be guarded...

Over the last week, my hubband has once again been absent due to work, and, once again, I am able to prove my incompetence as a human being in the abscence of a full time babysitter of my person. As always with these trips, I have barely slept. And, as always, this leads to amusing anecdotes of pain, mosfortune and plain idioct stemming from my deprivation of sleep, company and rationality. So today, I shall share with you my week.

Monday, after three hours sleep I got up at 6am to usher him into a taxi. I then believed I was about to start my week well, and attempted to go back to sleep...shit, this week isnt starting so well :P Sleep, why do we have to be enemies, my darling one? So, I crawled through Monday with the rationality of a brain starved zombie, feeding on anything caffienated I could get my havnds upon and muttering incoherent drivel of insult at any cheerful face I happened to come across. At some point I realised I was loving every minute of it, and my day took a nose dive at this realisation, because this must mark the departure of my last essential piece of sanity. Oh well, didn't need that anyhow!

Tuesday, I woke up, got dressed, did my make up, thought my day was going awesomly, believed it was the best Monday ever. Then I had lunch out with a friend, and when I came home, I forgot to remove my finger from the door resulting in a new lesson in the art of language for any listening ears. To cap it off, I logged into my computer at 9pm thinking 'well, at least its monday, I can play WoW to help with my insomnia', apparently it was Tuesday. Damnit. Underworld marathon, here I come baby!

Wednesday I awoke with 5 hours sleep under my belt, a beautiful record, just in time to rescue a parcel from the postie at my door, and realise the nightlare of family legal tangles landing in my lap. With the obligatory swearing, I then looked through them, and instantly decided to spend my day with legal aid, and a swear for you, one for me, one for you...
Just when I thought it was done, my day was great again, I had chowder, a gorgeous mixer drink, lovely music...I kicked a wine rack. At high speed. With my foot. I originally tjhought I was fine, but then the blood came, and then the blood came and then...well, I have to clean my bathroom from its crimson glaze. Luckily I had an awesome friend on hand nearby who was quick to come and dash me to the emergency department where they decided my foot was not about to fall off from any abnormalities, and I would require stitches, and would I mind waiting until close to dawn in the emergency room with a towel around my dripping foot in case I got blood on their floors? Of course, I would love to spend my Wednesday night here. I would love it so much in fact that my friend and I had the whole room in gales of laughter shortly before I was called in to be attended to.

15 attempts at filling my foot with local anaesthetic later, I had 5 stitches, multiple needle holes where they had tried to stitch me, a tetanus shot, bandages, pain killers, tape, no end of bad jokes, no sleep and a 6am sunrise special. You know what? I dont think leaving me alone is wise. At all. Seriously, it just asks for trouble :P So I spent the day with my mother in law, making bonsai's, annoying her dog with my dog and drinking copious tea, because there is nothing better!

Tomorrow, the last day, is another day. I plan to not move from my computer for the whole day in an attempt to at least preserve my life until such time as I can place it again in the hands of another for the time being, as lets face it folks, I appear safer that way! For now, good night, and with it comes the hope that I shall live to post another entertaining update of uncoordination another day ^^

Because I Can