This week has been very interesting for me, and I feel I have managed to use it to learn a lot about myself, and my life. As I have mentioned before, I am one of those people who sees a new day as a new opportunity to learn something. And this week, I have more than met my mark on that.
It all started out late last week with my boss at my very new job gathering the office together and telling us that we were being made redundant at the end of September as the company was closing my office; but that's ok, we'll pay for you to move to the Melbourne office to continue working for us! That day I had a major amount of thinking to do, as you can imagine; my resume looks pretty bad, with a couple of long gaps on it, and not only do I WANT a long term permanent job, but I need it. So I had to consider if the job was worth enough to me to think seriously about uprooting my life and moving away from everyone I knew and all my family to the complete unknown. I ended up deciding it was not worth it.
Firstly, I don't think I am cut out for debt collection. It is interesting work, certainly, but I don't think in the long term I can live with myself as a Debt collector. I care way too much about people, and lack the ability to just stop caring and start applying the proverbial thumb screws. Secondly, all the people in my life are right here. My boyfriend, my family, no matter how shitty some of them are, and my friends, who are all amazing, wonderful and my entire support network. I can't just up and leave the amazing people I know here on the off chance I will still have that job in three months time, when my probation is up. Also, if I were to go, there is no chance my boyfriend could come with me, and I wouldn't want to go without him; I only have 7 and a half months left until he goes over seas for nearly a year as it is! He's studying here, he's near the end of his course; its impossibly stupid to consider uprooting him to another state right now.
And I have as cat to consider in all this as well; its all well and good her ebing looked after by my ex for the moment, but I dearly want to have her back at some point soon. I miss her gorgeous personality, and I miss the pillow she insists on becoming for me when she's cold. I miss all of her weird quirks, and all of her sweet charms. I cannot imagine moving to another state and knowing I couldn't take her across with me. It's not that I wouldn't trust my ex to look after her, it's that I do not ever want to consider having to give her up for good. I don't think I could do that.
And on top of all this, my boss and I were constantly having issues with disagreement's. To make it short, I was doing a very good job considering I had had almost no training in the job, and I was constantly m,ade to feel that I was under acheiving, and inadequate for the job, and as a result I was constantly stressing out to a huge degree as I tried my hardest to do better than my best, and improve that every day, and still come in under the mark. And then I got sick, and took a couple of days off to recover. My boss acted as if I had actually just taken the time off because I couldn't be assed coming in to work now that it was closing down, which made me fume, to say the least, as I was being proffessional in my approach to the work I was doing, and dedicating myself to it, not stinting. It was by this point that I realised that I could not continue working there, and I would be unable to make it far enough to get my redundancy pay out. I could not help but constantly feel that he was waiting for a reason to fire me.
SO, this morning I quit. I did it politely and as nicely as I could, and I scored a good reference from him. I was absolutely terrified of doing it, as I knew another short term thing on my resume would make it that much harder to get work, but I knew that I could not continue working for him, or in the industry, and I made the decission to leave and spend the time looking for something I wanted to do, rather than stay, go into a very similar job elsewhere when I was done, and hate every second. Proffessionally, I may have made my life a lot harder for a while, but personally, I made a wise decission for myself and the people I was working for and with.
So I guess from that I learned what I don't want to do in the way of work, and how far I am willing to go putting up with shit from someone before I spit the dummy. I think I passed the shit test with flying colours; three weeks of being wonderfully polite and maintaining a high standard in my job before stressing out enough to leave, and I still got paid my redundancy. And I realised quite quickly exactly how worth following a job is; I can find plenty of other jobs, in plenty of other areas if I try hard enough. But I can never find as loyal and loving a group of friends as I have here. And I could never find a partner as amazing as mine anywhere else; Melbourse, you are not worth the losses.