Well, last week I went into this rather stranger little place near Fremantle called Remede Wellness Centre. I went in feeling more confident than I have in a while, and came out feeling...worried. I had been led to believe that the people at this place have a professional medical outlook on life, and the people they treat, and discovered instead that they are all about 'negative waves of energy' and similar amusing anecdotes, none of which are really going to help me. However, On the off chance that they have any ability to help me, or to diagnose my problem, I agreed to go onto an extremely healthy diet for them in exchange for them getting a hair sample analysed so we can figure out what, if anything, I have too much or too little of. It's honestly not that much different to my current diet, however there are a few key differences, one of which is that for the duration of my time on this diet they ask me to not have margerine, butter or cows milk, and to either completely eliminate black tea from my diet, or limit myself to two weak cups a day. They also ask that I have no fried foods at all, eat only brown wholemeal bread and rice, and cut out red meat in favour of fish. So, here's my impression on this new diet so far:
Tea: I hate not being able to mainstream this. I am the sort of person who will go through between 3 and 5 cups of tea on a normal day, however in a stressed day I may get as high as 8 or 9 cups. Now, I am not drinking more than one cup a day, and am suplimenting with some dreadful tasting organic green tea. My mood has the ability to become foul when I am in the process of drinking this stuff, and I am yet to find a suitable substitute.
Organic: When I was discussing diet with the clinic, they asked that I move to a completely organic diet. Now, I don't really see the benefits with this. I would be paying 3 times the price for my weekly shop no matter where I buy it, and I cannot see how the veggies are any better; I know all the arguments for organic veggies, but I cannot see how buying from a farmers market is anything but 'unanounced organic' and hey, I'm in refusal to up my grocery bill. They also want me drinking goats milk which I am allergic to. They do not want me drinking cows milk, and so far no reason has been given.
Diet: I already had a very healthy diet. I ate a ton of vegetables as my husband is vegetarian, and I rarely ever ate red meat, prefering chicken on the occasions that I did eat meat. I don't eat much at all in the way of sweet things, and I don't drink any coffee, or an excess amount of alcohol. SO really, all this diet has served to do is highlight how healthy my diet was, and to cut out all the good things in it. That couple of squares of chocolate every week. The tea I love. The drink or 3 on a saturday night. White rice. Cheese. Milk. A porterhouse steak every now and then. All gone. And I honestly cannot see how it is meant to have any effect on my fertility, cutting out a major source of iron (red meat), calcium (cows milk and cheese), Zinc (red meat) and a carbohydrate source (white rice). In fact, the more work I put into looking into this diet, the more ludicrous it seems.
My Doubts: Look, I'm all for getting help here. But when you look me straight in the eyes and say I should be very careful about my diet as no matter what I eat, or even what air I breathe, there are tiny chemicals that I will take in that will mimic other hormones and cause a 'huge hormonal imbalance', my main response is to laugh so hard I cry and cannot breathe. Sure, those chemicals exist, but not in anywhere near the numbers you're trying to scare me into thinking, and they do not have the effects you doomsday'd me about. The sad thing is I have more facts with a tiny bit of research than the clinic did.
Also, telling me that egg cells are 'made of and surrounded by zinc, therefore you need LOTS of zinc!' is a bad idea. I know I need lots of zinc, the menstrual cycle uses a lot of it, and zinc is imperative to fertility in both genders, however egg cells are not made of, nor are they surrounded by, Zinc. Check your facts. And if you cannot tell me WHY living next to high voltage power lines is ''very bad for your fertility!'' then I will: It isn't. Sure, in 20 years or so I may develop Leukemia, if I choose to live here that long, but a) thats not even a hard fact, and b) the power lines actually ARE proven to have no effect on my fertility. So suck it.
HOW is cutting out some major suppliers of dietary needs going to help my diet? How does cutting out an iron source and my main calcium source *help* my fertility in any way? ANd on top of all this, I fail to see how organic only food will help me any more than my already healthy vegetarian lifestyle was. However, considering the views of the doctors in this city, I guess I'm helpless to do anything about this yet as I need the help, and these people, while I have money, are willing to help me. Ah, how cynical am I...
Because I Can
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Infertility: 5 Things I've Learned
Prewarning, this isn't my normal. Sometimes one has to talk home truths. I hope me baring my soul here can help someone else though.
Over the last two and a half years my husband and I have tried very many times to achieve what most people can do without thinking about it. We've been trying really, really hard for kids. We've tried temperature and calendar methods, we've counted days, we've done blood tests, semen samples and sworn at doctors. We stopped drinking at all, we took vitamin suppliments, and we briefly entertained the idea that maybe its all about our house being wrong. Yes, we went *that* crazy. Or maybe I went that crazy, and he didn't know any other way of helping than to go along. I don't know. He's been awesome either way and I love him very much. Once or twice we've had near hits, and that makes oit that much harder each month to pick ourselves back up and carry on, and I think we're nearly at our limit. But what has made it so much harder isn't that we've had no success for two and a half years. It's that we've had no real help with our problem for that amount of time. So lets look at some home truths about infertility.
1) The White Elephant.
You know the game you used to play as a kid, where you would say 'don't think or talk about the white elephant' and no one won? Infertility is the adult version of that game. No one talks about it, ever, and then we talked to some of our friends one day and went 'WAAAAA infertility!' and they went 'OMG you too?'. Everyone we know has some relationship with it, whether it's just 'I had a miscarriage and we have used contraception since but GOD I want a baby!' or 'I'm never able to have kids, I'm way over weight and have advanced PCOS'. What I fail to understand is why it is such a hush hush topic? Ladies and gentlemen, in not talking about these things, we are shooting ourselves in the foot! You don't talk about it, and evryone ends up thinking they are the only one with any such issues, and let me tell you, that makes the suffering so, so much worse.
2) Doctors.
I'm sorry to burst the bubble for those out there who believe their doc can fix everything and is wonderful, but here is the home truth: Your doctor is simply human, just like everyone else you know, and therefore makes mistakes and has emotions just like everyone else. Your doctor is not infaliable. T (my man) and I have been to three doctors about our problems so far, and I have a fourth doctor I am going to begin seeing on Thursday. The first two doctors were terrible; one said my husband, who drank 3 to 5 standard drinks over the weekend and nothing during the week, was an alcoholic and that was where our problem came from. He also said that it didnt matter how irregular my periods were, if I was having them, I was perfectly fine and fertile. He lasted one appointment, and my husband still worries about his drinking today. Another doctor said that there was no way that my husband being vegetarian could have any adverse effects on his fertility. Not trusting this by now, we went home and did some research that showed a vegetarian diet leaves a man with no zinc, therefore lower sperm count. On to doc three. By now he was taking suppliments for zinc, and tests proved him perfect, so we looked at me: We've done it before, so It all works there, my bloods came back fine, doc couldnt find a thing to point at with me and wouldnt look at the items I was begging her to look at, ie Porgesterone levels. At the same time, she refused to refer us to any specialists, because I am, in her viev, too young to be having problems and the specialists won't want to look at me. So we were stuck now; doctors could no longer really help us, but they refused to refer us, despite us having tried for nearly three years now. Like I was saying, they're faliable and they're human. Both of these observations suck balls.
3) Age Works Against You Everywhere You Go.
I am 22 years old in several months. My husband is older than me by a few years. We have been trying for kids since I was 19 years old. In Australia, we are distinctly told if you have been unable to get pregnant for two or more years, go to your doctor and get them to refer you to a fertility specialist. Sadly, because of my age doctors will not do this for me; apparently fi I were 33 years old they would, quote, have no hesitation in refering you this instant, but you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Unquote. Yes, I do have my whole life ahead of me. I want to breed, have my kids now, in the next 5 to 10 years; not get to 33 and have the first of them. That is not only impractical, its unkind to the kids. I can give them more NOW. So HELP me. Oh wait, yeah, that stupid age thing. Age should not factor into fertility, but at the moment, it is the ONLY factor there seems to be.
4) Any Help You Can Find Is Overpriced.
Recently, my brother gave the the phone number of a place that he believes can help me, and after talking to the manager extensively, I agree. However, while my man and I are comfortable, we are not made of money. No one is. So this leads me to wonder how in my right mind I can justify paying $180 for an hour with someone just for a first consult? Per person? ANd it wasn't cheap before that either; going to the lackwit doctors we went to cost $60 per 15 minute session. The problem we are finding is that doctors know they have you by the proverbial balls when it comes to fertility issues. They know that if you are desperate enough to have to be there, you really cannot protest at the price. My worry is that while I am able to get the help I need, hopefully, or at least while I am able to AFFORD the help I need, what happens to those who cannot?
5) Family.
They are meant to be the support network, the people you fall back on, the ones you can cry all over and sometimes yell at for no damned good reason at all except that you're going off the rails and they love you enough to understand. Sometimes they're nmot. His family has been fantastic, and some of mine (thank you D&M!) have been a dream. But a lot of my family either simply do not understand, or are outright scornful. Apparently due to my age I should stop being an idiot, stop worrying and stressing as obviously thats the problem and things will happen. Or the better argument: Get over your grief and move on like a normal person. And the cincher? Doesn't matter if you've gotten over the grief, or if you are not stressing, or worrying; denying you need to do these things reinforces to them that they are right and you are delusional. Sadly it is not allowable to round house them, so you have to smile, grit your teeth, and run an internal monologue of swearing.
So there you have it folks, my findings so far in my quest for actual help. Anyone in Perth, Remede Wellness Centre are very happy to help, have wonderful attitudes, and despite the pricing (or because of it?) give me confidence. Good luck!
Over the last two and a half years my husband and I have tried very many times to achieve what most people can do without thinking about it. We've been trying really, really hard for kids. We've tried temperature and calendar methods, we've counted days, we've done blood tests, semen samples and sworn at doctors. We stopped drinking at all, we took vitamin suppliments, and we briefly entertained the idea that maybe its all about our house being wrong. Yes, we went *that* crazy. Or maybe I went that crazy, and he didn't know any other way of helping than to go along. I don't know. He's been awesome either way and I love him very much. Once or twice we've had near hits, and that makes oit that much harder each month to pick ourselves back up and carry on, and I think we're nearly at our limit. But what has made it so much harder isn't that we've had no success for two and a half years. It's that we've had no real help with our problem for that amount of time. So lets look at some home truths about infertility.
1) The White Elephant.
You know the game you used to play as a kid, where you would say 'don't think or talk about the white elephant' and no one won? Infertility is the adult version of that game. No one talks about it, ever, and then we talked to some of our friends one day and went 'WAAAAA infertility!' and they went 'OMG you too?'. Everyone we know has some relationship with it, whether it's just 'I had a miscarriage and we have used contraception since but GOD I want a baby!' or 'I'm never able to have kids, I'm way over weight and have advanced PCOS'. What I fail to understand is why it is such a hush hush topic? Ladies and gentlemen, in not talking about these things, we are shooting ourselves in the foot! You don't talk about it, and evryone ends up thinking they are the only one with any such issues, and let me tell you, that makes the suffering so, so much worse.
2) Doctors.
I'm sorry to burst the bubble for those out there who believe their doc can fix everything and is wonderful, but here is the home truth: Your doctor is simply human, just like everyone else you know, and therefore makes mistakes and has emotions just like everyone else. Your doctor is not infaliable. T (my man) and I have been to three doctors about our problems so far, and I have a fourth doctor I am going to begin seeing on Thursday. The first two doctors were terrible; one said my husband, who drank 3 to 5 standard drinks over the weekend and nothing during the week, was an alcoholic and that was where our problem came from. He also said that it didnt matter how irregular my periods were, if I was having them, I was perfectly fine and fertile. He lasted one appointment, and my husband still worries about his drinking today. Another doctor said that there was no way that my husband being vegetarian could have any adverse effects on his fertility. Not trusting this by now, we went home and did some research that showed a vegetarian diet leaves a man with no zinc, therefore lower sperm count. On to doc three. By now he was taking suppliments for zinc, and tests proved him perfect, so we looked at me: We've done it before, so It all works there, my bloods came back fine, doc couldnt find a thing to point at with me and wouldnt look at the items I was begging her to look at, ie Porgesterone levels. At the same time, she refused to refer us to any specialists, because I am, in her viev, too young to be having problems and the specialists won't want to look at me. So we were stuck now; doctors could no longer really help us, but they refused to refer us, despite us having tried for nearly three years now. Like I was saying, they're faliable and they're human. Both of these observations suck balls.
3) Age Works Against You Everywhere You Go.
I am 22 years old in several months. My husband is older than me by a few years. We have been trying for kids since I was 19 years old. In Australia, we are distinctly told if you have been unable to get pregnant for two or more years, go to your doctor and get them to refer you to a fertility specialist. Sadly, because of my age doctors will not do this for me; apparently fi I were 33 years old they would, quote, have no hesitation in refering you this instant, but you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Unquote. Yes, I do have my whole life ahead of me. I want to breed, have my kids now, in the next 5 to 10 years; not get to 33 and have the first of them. That is not only impractical, its unkind to the kids. I can give them more NOW. So HELP me. Oh wait, yeah, that stupid age thing. Age should not factor into fertility, but at the moment, it is the ONLY factor there seems to be.
4) Any Help You Can Find Is Overpriced.
Recently, my brother gave the the phone number of a place that he believes can help me, and after talking to the manager extensively, I agree. However, while my man and I are comfortable, we are not made of money. No one is. So this leads me to wonder how in my right mind I can justify paying $180 for an hour with someone just for a first consult? Per person? ANd it wasn't cheap before that either; going to the lackwit doctors we went to cost $60 per 15 minute session. The problem we are finding is that doctors know they have you by the proverbial balls when it comes to fertility issues. They know that if you are desperate enough to have to be there, you really cannot protest at the price. My worry is that while I am able to get the help I need, hopefully, or at least while I am able to AFFORD the help I need, what happens to those who cannot?
5) Family.
They are meant to be the support network, the people you fall back on, the ones you can cry all over and sometimes yell at for no damned good reason at all except that you're going off the rails and they love you enough to understand. Sometimes they're nmot. His family has been fantastic, and some of mine (thank you D&M!) have been a dream. But a lot of my family either simply do not understand, or are outright scornful. Apparently due to my age I should stop being an idiot, stop worrying and stressing as obviously thats the problem and things will happen. Or the better argument: Get over your grief and move on like a normal person. And the cincher? Doesn't matter if you've gotten over the grief, or if you are not stressing, or worrying; denying you need to do these things reinforces to them that they are right and you are delusional. Sadly it is not allowable to round house them, so you have to smile, grit your teeth, and run an internal monologue of swearing.
So there you have it folks, my findings so far in my quest for actual help. Anyone in Perth, Remede Wellness Centre are very happy to help, have wonderful attitudes, and despite the pricing (or because of it?) give me confidence. Good luck!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My Study on Humanities Quest for Idiocy
Well, I've been having a ball recently. No, really! I have become fascinated with the lengths people unconsciously go to to in order to unknowingly become an idiot, and by fascinated I mean 'is watching avidly and has forgotten that the popcorn exists'.
I called the bank 4 weeks ago to get my card reissued with my married name on it; having worked in a similar industry I know that issuing a card like that is very easy indeed. So I breezed through the process, cheerily said goodbye to the young lady on the other end of the phone...and opened my mail the next week in bemused amazment. I had an awesome, shiny new card...with my old name. Take two, I called back, tried it all again, and the next week got the right name on the card (Check!) and...no pin number. Seriously people, where is my pin?! So...take three...they agreed to just dodgify some facts in the system and allow me to continue using my old pin as neither the call centre or I trust that another mail out is going to get it right :P
And my fence! THAT is an ongoing saga and a half, let me tell you! :P It's been broken for coming up three months now, and the fencing company is regaling me with a series of awesomely funny excuses as to why they cannot fix it yet; I say funny as some of them are os bad they directly contradict their earlier statments. Firstly they 'would get to it next week, we have what we need to fix it, but we have a lot of other jobs to do'. Fine, I can deal with that. Then they tried to tell the strata company they had already fixed it; how stupid do they think I am?! And now they tell me 'we can't get the materials to fix it right now due to the cyclone in Queensland, we'll try to fix it bt the end of the month'. HOW stupid do they believe me to be? I'm not sure, but they've got the strata company, hook line and sinker. What I want to know is how the materials they had two months ago to fix my fence ended up in Queensland?
Here's the prize of the day; a tale from the recent travels of my husband and I. And it totally beats the previous ones, infact, it's my unquestioned favourite. The man and I decided to take a train from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to Singapore...Singapore. Don't do it, it's disgusting. Anyhow, after an appaling 7 hours travel, only 4 of which the train had spent actually moving at all, we arrive at the check point just inside the Singaporean boarder. Hop off the train, passports at the ready, and we're all faced with BIG signs that looked like this:
There was a lot of writing underneath in not english, but basically it meant 'we're serious, don't p*ss us off, kk?' My husband and I respected that sign, and we obeyed. Just after that we were waiting in line to have our passports checked and two things happened. One, we saw another sign that looked like this:
but with a list of things under it that went like this: We can and will confiscate and delete any pictures you take. We can and will arrest you, charge you, fine you. We may shoot you.
This being Singapore, we believed them. LOTS. Secondly, we started chatting to an american dude in the line with us, recently from Thailand. Finally, we got to the front, passed through uneventfully, and lined up to get back on the train...and waited to be allowed. And waited. FINALLY 45 minutes later here comes the american dude. Hi, what kept you? we asked. Oh, I took a picture, and they got all upset, and started yelling, and took me into a room and made me give them my camera, and they deleted the photo, I'm really not happy about it hey! We looked at him for a few seconds. Did you see the signs saying 'dont take photos' at all? we asked. Sure enough... Yeah, thats what I was taking a photo of!
And if thats not bad enough: Didn't you see the other signs that basically said 'don't annoy us, we will shoot you?
OH WOW, where are they?! They would make AWESOME photo's to show the dudes back home!!
So there we have it; my study on humanities attempt, albeit unconsciously, to become completely bafflingly idiotic. It has been awesome fun!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Well...its currently nearly half past 8 in the morning, and I am in the bath with the tap dripping on my knee as apparently it doesn't know how to NOT. I feel amazingly frazzled. You left on a work trip yesterday morning, and things haven't been right since. I miss you terribly, and my week is looking bleak without you. Not ony isit looking bleak, it is looking empty, bar sleepless nights, as apparently I once again have insomnia. You leaving me alone should be banned for the sake of my mental health!
And because of this, I have made a decission. I know I cannot fly over to be with you right now, though god help me, I really really would totally want to do that, so instead,next time you have to go on on of these trips, ima come too! I know that means finding someone to sit the animals and look after the house. I know thats a possibly expensive thing. But I don't care. I miss you. I would do anything to be with you right now. I watched the sun come up this morning at 5am, I had a shower at 4.
By the end of this week I will have drunk enough coffee to be immune to it.
So I think we need to take the 'have and to hold' thing majorly serious, an have and hold each other everywhere we have to go. I'll come too next time. And we'll both continue sleeping, which is something I am currently wishing for like mad. And we'll spend every moment we can cuddling. I'll see you on Saturday, and that day cannot come soon enough, love.
Because I Can
And because of this, I have made a decission. I know I cannot fly over to be with you right now, though god help me, I really really would totally want to do that, so instead,next time you have to go on on of these trips, ima come too! I know that means finding someone to sit the animals and look after the house. I know thats a possibly expensive thing. But I don't care. I miss you. I would do anything to be with you right now. I watched the sun come up this morning at 5am, I had a shower at 4.
By the end of this week I will have drunk enough coffee to be immune to it.
So I think we need to take the 'have and to hold' thing majorly serious, an have and hold each other everywhere we have to go. I'll come too next time. And we'll both continue sleeping, which is something I am currently wishing for like mad. And we'll spend every moment we can cuddling. I'll see you on Saturday, and that day cannot come soon enough, love.
Because I Can
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Pre Travel Worries...Pt 1
Outside in my yard there is a dog, chewing away on a rubber squeaky toy with an expression of perpetual bliss on her face. Inside my head there is a little person begging shutupshutupI'mtryingtothink..... But I know by now that won't happen; thinking simply is not as important as her being able to play with that toy. It doesnt help that behind my back two cats are exchanging a glance that says quite clearly and smugly we told her so. It really helps me to know that in two dys time I'm leaving all these insane critters behind me for 8 days and going to a place where I can go to the markets at night and buy lots of cheap alcohol! And by 4am on Saturday when I have to get out the door to a plane, I'll really be looking foward to that...
There are so many thing I didn't think I would ever have to contemplate about travelling, and the irony is that none of them have anything to do with being out of the country. I'm terrified of leaving my house keys with other people for 8 days. Not because I don't know these people; they're our best friends. No, it's mainly because I keep thinking terribly thoughts such as should I hide the 'toys' in case they happen to open that drawer by the bed and get a look into our lives they NEVER wanted?? or My cat is refusing to come out of the closet (literally and figuratively!), who will give her milky milo to coax her out?! I know these thoughts are crazy. Almost as crazy as feeding my cat, who vet's tell me should not be able to taste sweet, milo.
Milo for my cat is not quite as insane as realising that my dog has busted the qsqueaker in her favourite toy and having the thought I should go get her a new one or ALL my animals will be sulking!
And...my cat just sneezed. All over my almost packed baggage.
Lovely.
Because I Can
There are so many thing I didn't think I would ever have to contemplate about travelling, and the irony is that none of them have anything to do with being out of the country. I'm terrified of leaving my house keys with other people for 8 days. Not because I don't know these people; they're our best friends. No, it's mainly because I keep thinking terribly thoughts such as should I hide the 'toys' in case they happen to open that drawer by the bed and get a look into our lives they NEVER wanted?? or My cat is refusing to come out of the closet (literally and figuratively!), who will give her milky milo to coax her out?! I know these thoughts are crazy. Almost as crazy as feeding my cat, who vet's tell me should not be able to taste sweet, milo.
Milo for my cat is not quite as insane as realising that my dog has busted the qsqueaker in her favourite toy and having the thought I should go get her a new one or ALL my animals will be sulking!
And...my cat just sneezed. All over my almost packed baggage.
Lovely.
Because I Can
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Topsy Turvy Houseland!
My household has been making a few adjustments recently, and so everyone, that being my hubby, 2 cats and myself, has been at least a little on edge. It has really been a humungous learning curve. Sadly...we are not finished yet! :P
To my dear cats: I would absolutely love it if you would learn the new location of the litter tray. It has been there for THREE GODAMNED WEEKS now. Surely that is long enough to stop shitting beside my washing machine and peeing in my basket of clean but nmot yet hung washing? Also, how is it that whenever I have the laundry door closed you never miss the tray. Freaks :P
Now, I'll admit, the lives of my cats have been hell recently. I recently took on an awesome dog. A BIG dog. A friendly dog. A ridgeback x mastiff, to be precise, who at 9 years old is a senior citizen and an old family friend. As you could believe, my cats are not too fond of this; their first reaction was total disbelief - You're kidding, that is TOTALLY not staying in my house Mum- followed instantly with an attempt to look like a capital A, loosing half a kilo of fur between them, demonstrating their ability to spit like champions and then a complete lack of cat throughout most of my house. One of them is still sitting in the cupboard in my room in the deepest darkest part she can find and ordering room service daily.
I suppose it really isn't helping her nerves that my husband's homebrew beer recently decided that it loved the idea of exploding, showering my computer room in beer and glass shards, and setting the dog off into excited barking, rapidly followed by terrified hissing from the cats who were certain that any noise from the dog meant she was hungry, specifically for cat. I sat on my laundry floor unable to breathe through laughter while thinking "No one is crazier than me..."
And on Friday night the man and I fly to Kuala Lumpur. For a week. And leave our best friends with our loving dog, our terrified closet cat and the other terrified manly cat. Who thinks that attacking the dog is way better than trying to just ignore her. I am totally leaving my phone at home and enjoying a week where I can pretend that these animals are ABSOLUTELY not my fault, problem or concern.
What I have learned so far: A cat who thinks that strange looking animla outside the window may be hostile can put their paw through a flyscreen in abnout .2 of a second flat with no effort, and you only hear the hissing afterward.
When they hear cars hissing, dogs start barking in a cheerful, and totally unhelpful, manner. This results in a new hat consisting of 1 Angry Cat for me.
Do not even bother vaccuming for at least a week after introducing a new dog to your cats. Those cats hate you so much they will actively shed on everything they can, and by shed I mean they were saving it all for this occasion.
Sitting on the floor and laughing slightly hysterically will freak your cats out more. It will also cause the man to come running in asking in increasingly worried tones whats wrong, while all you can do is gasp in the occasional breathe and cackle senslessly through the tears.
Ah, the educational wonders...
Because I can
To my dear cats: I would absolutely love it if you would learn the new location of the litter tray. It has been there for THREE GODAMNED WEEKS now. Surely that is long enough to stop shitting beside my washing machine and peeing in my basket of clean but nmot yet hung washing? Also, how is it that whenever I have the laundry door closed you never miss the tray. Freaks :P
Now, I'll admit, the lives of my cats have been hell recently. I recently took on an awesome dog. A BIG dog. A friendly dog. A ridgeback x mastiff, to be precise, who at 9 years old is a senior citizen and an old family friend. As you could believe, my cats are not too fond of this; their first reaction was total disbelief - You're kidding, that is TOTALLY not staying in my house Mum- followed instantly with an attempt to look like a capital A, loosing half a kilo of fur between them, demonstrating their ability to spit like champions and then a complete lack of cat throughout most of my house. One of them is still sitting in the cupboard in my room in the deepest darkest part she can find and ordering room service daily.
I suppose it really isn't helping her nerves that my husband's homebrew beer recently decided that it loved the idea of exploding, showering my computer room in beer and glass shards, and setting the dog off into excited barking, rapidly followed by terrified hissing from the cats who were certain that any noise from the dog meant she was hungry, specifically for cat. I sat on my laundry floor unable to breathe through laughter while thinking "No one is crazier than me..."
And on Friday night the man and I fly to Kuala Lumpur. For a week. And leave our best friends with our loving dog, our terrified closet cat and the other terrified manly cat. Who thinks that attacking the dog is way better than trying to just ignore her. I am totally leaving my phone at home and enjoying a week where I can pretend that these animals are ABSOLUTELY not my fault, problem or concern.
What I have learned so far: A cat who thinks that strange looking animla outside the window may be hostile can put their paw through a flyscreen in abnout .2 of a second flat with no effort, and you only hear the hissing afterward.
When they hear cars hissing, dogs start barking in a cheerful, and totally unhelpful, manner. This results in a new hat consisting of 1 Angry Cat for me.
Do not even bother vaccuming for at least a week after introducing a new dog to your cats. Those cats hate you so much they will actively shed on everything they can, and by shed I mean they were saving it all for this occasion.
Sitting on the floor and laughing slightly hysterically will freak your cats out more. It will also cause the man to come running in asking in increasingly worried tones whats wrong, while all you can do is gasp in the occasional breathe and cackle senslessly through the tears.
Ah, the educational wonders...
Because I can
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Life is like Bingo
There are few things I really hate in life. But sadly, I think most of them have been triggered this week, and for me I think that's a new reccord. It's like playing Bingo, but with pet hates, and I won, which NEVER happens with real Bingo because I DO NOT PLAY IT.
Number one on my list has always been People Who are Amazingly Incompetent At Their Jobs, also known as bundles of complete fail. That girl at the bank who issued me a new card in my OLD name after changing my details so thast my new card SHOULD have been in my new name? Fail. And that fact that it took her 45 minutes to complete this incredible act? Priceless.
OH, and this goes out to Mark at Fivestar Fencing. For starters mate, five star implies that not only do you know what you're doing, but you can do it well. I think you not only need to change the Business name, but the Business. Stat. Because I think it's REALLY unprofessional to come round and look at my fence to give me a quote for fixing it, only to say that while it is indeed broken, you can't fix it...and not give a suitable reason. It is even more unprofessional to then call my husband a week later and say 'I'll come fix it tomorrow before lunch time.' and then never show up. At all. I hope you enjoy the lovely voice mail I left you, and also the one my strata manager left you that effectively ensures that you don't come back here again. Because you have a habit of stuffing up.
Another thing I hate; idiot neighbours annoying the hell out of the whole strata block. You know dude, that's not a wise move, especially since you're only renting and the rest of us now angry hornets are owners. First rule for renters who dont want to piss off the other people around them; On a recycle week, do NOT put your RUBBISH in our RECYCLE bins. If you do, our bins wont get emptied, and they also get big stickers on them saying why. And then YOU get a whole horde of angry and upset owners on your doorstep asking if you know WTF a rubbish bin or tip is and could you KINDLY use it or we will be pleased to enforce our request? ><
See? Like I said, not many things that push my angry at everyone buttons. And they don't usually get pushed, so this week has been entertaining...for me. For the people I dealt with, it has been less than pleasant, but you know what? If you didn't TRY to piss me off, I wouldnt rub your face in your incompetence.
Because I Can
Number one on my list has always been People Who are Amazingly Incompetent At Their Jobs, also known as bundles of complete fail. That girl at the bank who issued me a new card in my OLD name after changing my details so thast my new card SHOULD have been in my new name? Fail. And that fact that it took her 45 minutes to complete this incredible act? Priceless.
OH, and this goes out to Mark at Fivestar Fencing. For starters mate, five star implies that not only do you know what you're doing, but you can do it well. I think you not only need to change the Business name, but the Business. Stat. Because I think it's REALLY unprofessional to come round and look at my fence to give me a quote for fixing it, only to say that while it is indeed broken, you can't fix it...and not give a suitable reason. It is even more unprofessional to then call my husband a week later and say 'I'll come fix it tomorrow before lunch time.' and then never show up. At all. I hope you enjoy the lovely voice mail I left you, and also the one my strata manager left you that effectively ensures that you don't come back here again. Because you have a habit of stuffing up.
Another thing I hate; idiot neighbours annoying the hell out of the whole strata block. You know dude, that's not a wise move, especially since you're only renting and the rest of us now angry hornets are owners. First rule for renters who dont want to piss off the other people around them; On a recycle week, do NOT put your RUBBISH in our RECYCLE bins. If you do, our bins wont get emptied, and they also get big stickers on them saying why. And then YOU get a whole horde of angry and upset owners on your doorstep asking if you know WTF a rubbish bin or tip is and could you KINDLY use it or we will be pleased to enforce our request? ><
See? Like I said, not many things that push my angry at everyone buttons. And they don't usually get pushed, so this week has been entertaining...for me. For the people I dealt with, it has been less than pleasant, but you know what? If you didn't TRY to piss me off, I wouldnt rub your face in your incompetence.
Because I Can
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