Sunday, May 24, 2009

My role in life, and Why I Don't Appreciate Being Judged as Useless by it.

Warning folks, today's rant is personal.

Now, I am a mother, and I have/had one child, James, and everything about me is all about being the traditional, home maker, stay at home, look after the family type of mother figure. It is my job description, despite what the government may say about it, and it is my love. Now, I am more than aware that in today's society, all of those things that personify me are seen to be a little bit archaic, redundant, and pointless, and that, say, a career, is perceived to be more worthy and understandable, but that's forgivable as we all know that society forgot all about the children and childhood, and the security a loving caring well grounded family provides years ago anyhow.

Now, I've made it no secret over the years as I grew up, and throughout my life to date that unlike the rest of you who all want to have careers and be 'real' people and do grown up things like go to university, and all of that long list of stuff you all want to complete before kids and family and partner, all I aspire to do with my life is find that elusive, proverbial 'right one' that everyone swears exists, settle down, and have a family. Plain and simple. So needless to say I found it quite shocking last night when one of my closest female friends took it upon herself to tell me how she thought my sort of life style, that of the stay at home mother/wife/family carer, was a waste of my life.

Lets break for a moment and review the role of a mother and wife in a family. She is a home maker, a loving caring person, a child raiser and bearer, a wise person, someone to whom everyone goes when they need advice, sympathy, or just hugs. She is the person who makes the grazed knee all better, who bullies those who bully you, who stands up for you in any situation. She is the person who you can call, any where, any time, and ask for help, she is the person who loves you unconditionally, cares for you, and makes you warm, fuzzy, love filled memories. A mother is the one who is always able to tell you when you've done wrong, or when you're being a fool, and when she does, that means you really have.

A mother, and a wife, is the person who makes the household tick over, and keeps it working, and shes the person who is always there to sort anything out, and make things go smoothly. Shes an organizer, and she constantly works under chaotic stress. And when something goes wrong with her family, its her who feels she has failed, even if she hasn't, and its her who picks up the pieces, no matter how broken she herself is feeling. And it is she who has to take criticism from every other know it all in the world, and pointless advice on how to do things 'the right way' from all the busy bodies who think she really needs their nosy input. So in my eyes, her role is quite sizable. And certainly, I no longer have a child to represent my status as a mother, but despite that, I remain one, and I remain a wife.

I am in a role that I fit into like a hand to a glove, and I see no reason why I should change from that to something I fit like a hand to a shoe; IE, not at all. And yet many out there see people like myself as time wasters, people who live off society, and are putting their lives in to a waste occupation. Now, I can to a certain degree see where these ideas are coming from, because a lot of stay at home mums do a pretty average job. My own mother didn't do that well with myself and my siblings, but, you know, we worked out in the end, despite none of us keeping in touch with her anymore. And a lot of single parents just can not be assed getting up, getting off the dole, and getting somewhere with their lives, and I'm not advocating them in any way; I feel they do not deserve mention for their leech like behavior.

But in general, most of the at home mothers I know are brilliant. They're there, day in and day out, for their kids, their partners, and anything random that comes up with their friends where their help is needed, and not only that, they do a great job with their families. So I see nothing bad about people like myself, and personally I find it horrifying how some people, even those I have valued as friends for many years, are able to see my role in my family as useless. I see my life style as being as important in the lives of those in my family as those career women see their careers to be in their lives; I know I have no qualifications, but I have a home, not just a house for my family to come back to, and I have the ability to raise my children, and care for my group.

If I really was just sitting on my ass all day, doing nothing at all, wasting my time, my life, my partners money etc, then by all means, tell me what exactly you think of me. And if I had failed at motherhood when the chance presented itself, then again, I agree whole heartedly with you, I would now be wasting my life. But I made the best of my chance at motherhood, and I believe I make the best of being a part of a functional marriage, so from my view point, while I am not working my ass off furthering my education, or career, I am performing a role in my life that I fit, and that not only am I suited to, but I do well.

I don't care if you're a career woman or someone like me, its your choice, but I do honestly think that we all have the right to decide what sort of mother we will be, if and when the time for us to be a mother comes up, and that those of us who have as yet not settles down should by no means judge those of us who have on how they raise their family, or how they chose to be a mother, until they themselves settle into motherhood as well. After all, that friend who sees my life style as a waste of my life may herself one day have children and wish to be nothing more than a stay at home mother. Or, she may even dump her kid on me before work each day while she becomes a career mother; we just don't know until the time comes for us to find out.

So to all of you out there, don't judge it until you try it, whatever it is, and in this case, motherhood.

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