My role in life, and Why I Don't Appreciate Being Judged as Useless by it.

Warning folks, today's rant is personal.

Now, I am a mother, and I have/had one child, James, and everything about me is all about being the traditional, home maker, stay at home, look after the family type of mother figure. It is my job description, despite what the government may say about it, and it is my love. Now, I am more than aware that in today's society, all of those things that personify me are seen to be a little bit archaic, redundant, and pointless, and that, say, a career, is perceived to be more worthy and understandable, but that's forgivable as we all know that society forgot all about the children and childhood, and the security a loving caring well grounded family provides years ago anyhow.

Now, I've made it no secret over the years as I grew up, and throughout my life to date that unlike the rest of you who all want to have careers and be 'real' people and do grown up things like go to university, and all of that long list of stuff you all want to complete before kids and family and partner, all I aspire to do with my life is find that elusive, proverbial 'right one' that everyone swears exists, settle down, and have a family. Plain and simple. So needless to say I found it quite shocking last night when one of my closest female friends took it upon herself to tell me how she thought my sort of life style, that of the stay at home mother/wife/family carer, was a waste of my life.

Lets break for a moment and review the role of a mother and wife in a family. She is a home maker, a loving caring person, a child raiser and bearer, a wise person, someone to whom everyone goes when they need advice, sympathy, or just hugs. She is the person who makes the grazed knee all better, who bullies those who bully you, who stands up for you in any situation. She is the person who you can call, any where, any time, and ask for help, she is the person who loves you unconditionally, cares for you, and makes you warm, fuzzy, love filled memories. A mother is the one who is always able to tell you when you've done wrong, or when you're being a fool, and when she does, that means you really have.

A mother, and a wife, is the person who makes the household tick over, and keeps it working, and shes the person who is always there to sort anything out, and make things go smoothly. Shes an organizer, and she constantly works under chaotic stress. And when something goes wrong with her family, its her who feels she has failed, even if she hasn't, and its her who picks up the pieces, no matter how broken she herself is feeling. And it is she who has to take criticism from every other know it all in the world, and pointless advice on how to do things 'the right way' from all the busy bodies who think she really needs their nosy input. So in my eyes, her role is quite sizable. And certainly, I no longer have a child to represent my status as a mother, but despite that, I remain one, and I remain a wife.

I am in a role that I fit into like a hand to a glove, and I see no reason why I should change from that to something I fit like a hand to a shoe; IE, not at all. And yet many out there see people like myself as time wasters, people who live off society, and are putting their lives in to a waste occupation. Now, I can to a certain degree see where these ideas are coming from, because a lot of stay at home mums do a pretty average job. My own mother didn't do that well with myself and my siblings, but, you know, we worked out in the end, despite none of us keeping in touch with her anymore. And a lot of single parents just can not be assed getting up, getting off the dole, and getting somewhere with their lives, and I'm not advocating them in any way; I feel they do not deserve mention for their leech like behavior.

But in general, most of the at home mothers I know are brilliant. They're there, day in and day out, for their kids, their partners, and anything random that comes up with their friends where their help is needed, and not only that, they do a great job with their families. So I see nothing bad about people like myself, and personally I find it horrifying how some people, even those I have valued as friends for many years, are able to see my role in my family as useless. I see my life style as being as important in the lives of those in my family as those career women see their careers to be in their lives; I know I have no qualifications, but I have a home, not just a house for my family to come back to, and I have the ability to raise my children, and care for my group.

If I really was just sitting on my ass all day, doing nothing at all, wasting my time, my life, my partners money etc, then by all means, tell me what exactly you think of me. And if I had failed at motherhood when the chance presented itself, then again, I agree whole heartedly with you, I would now be wasting my life. But I made the best of my chance at motherhood, and I believe I make the best of being a part of a functional marriage, so from my view point, while I am not working my ass off furthering my education, or career, I am performing a role in my life that I fit, and that not only am I suited to, but I do well.

I don't care if you're a career woman or someone like me, its your choice, but I do honestly think that we all have the right to decide what sort of mother we will be, if and when the time for us to be a mother comes up, and that those of us who have as yet not settles down should by no means judge those of us who have on how they raise their family, or how they chose to be a mother, until they themselves settle into motherhood as well. After all, that friend who sees my life style as a waste of my life may herself one day have children and wish to be nothing more than a stay at home mother. Or, she may even dump her kid on me before work each day while she becomes a career mother; we just don't know until the time comes for us to find out.

So to all of you out there, don't judge it until you try it, whatever it is, and in this case, motherhood.

The Right Thing

Living, thats easy. People will tell you its hard, but they really have no clue if thats their theory. No, living is easy, its LIFE thats the hard part. Creating it, nuturing it, sustaining it.

Think about it for a second.
Out of 9 planets in our solar system, only one has managed to produce and successfully sustain life. Only our planet, from the whole of the galaxy, is known to have intelligent life forms. Now lets focus on those life forms. Is life easy to create? Some would say yes, but lets take a closer look. Women only succeed in getting pregnancy 30% of the time, and about 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Of those that carry through, theres a 30% chance the baby will have deformations, or birth defects, or mental problems, many of which impede the ability for the child to live a successful normal life.

So understandably the human race has evolved to treasure life and do anything within its powers to preserve it. But some of us would have to agree that in recent years, our medical scientists and our doctors have taken this desire to preserve life too far. In this I refer to many examples of people who are comatose, or vegetative, have no quality of life, and would be better off simply being allowed to let go, yet doctors, and our laws, world wide, are keeping them in pain and misery. A key example of the cruelty of our medical system is this poor family, torn apart over their child and sibling, being kept alive against his wishes, simply because we as a culture fear death and hence refuse to allow him the final dignity, and his final wish www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25498807-421,00

Yet another example of the inhumanity of our society is the case of 13 year old USA boy, Daniel Hauser, who has declined chemotherapy treatment for leukemia, and is currently on the run from authorities in the USA because a court has ordered that he see a doctor and receive treatment. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25515726-401,00.html Despite displaying his wished of receiving natural remedic treatments, and claiming belief that chemotherapy would kill him, the courts remain adament that Daniel will be found, and will receive treatment. What happens if Daniel is to die before they find him? His mother, whom is aiding him stay out of sight in America, will most likely be imprisoned. Are we so wrapped up in the preservation of life as a society that we would send a dying boy on the run and make him live in exhile rather than accept his choice and allow it to him?Are we as a society willing to disregard personal decission in order to make life continue? edition.cnn.com/2009/US/05/19/minnesota.forced.chemo/index Now, if as this version of events is telling us, Mr Hauser really is severely lacking in awareness of his own situation, which, personally I find vastly problematic to believe, then it is understandable that there is considerable concern, and that the American Courts would want Mr Hauser to come back, and at least learn all the details about his condition. But it will continue to remain wrong that they have ordered him back for treatment, with no mention of simply allowing him to learn all he needs to know and making his own choice. In essence, the American Courts have taken this teenagers right to personal choice away from him.

On the note of lack of personal choice, lets also spare a thought for those people who are dying, or comatose, or vegetative, or any variation of those problems, and the fact that if they do not want to remain in the state they are in, they don't really have a choice at all. My husband and I had an extremely ill son, who we opted to bring home for his own sake, and ours, and also due to what we saw as his choice. James had no working pituitary gland, and hence no thyroid hormone to keep him awake and alert, and yet he managed to remove his central IV line from his body, then had to be sedated to prevent him doing this again. I feel greatful that we had the choice with our son to do for him what was right, but I know many parents whos children are worse off than our son was, who have no choice; they have to watch their children live out their lives, trapped in their own bodies, with no ability to help them at all. And if they do help them, as some have done and others will do, then they are charged for murder. So all in all, a no win situation.

I believe, along with many others who have all been in situations that have shown them the extent of disrepair our medical system is in, that our medical law system needs some urgent reviewing. Euthanasia laws need to be made. Doctors have to be able to realize when a patient is not going to get better, when the best thing for them is to put their life in their own hands, or if that is not possible, into those of their family. And most of all, regardless of whether the condition is treatable despite its severity, our governments and medical systems have to realize, that no matter what, the choice should ultimately be left in the hands of the person who's life they are treating. Because ultimately, personal choice should matter more in this world than maintaining life at all costs, even when there is no real life left, just a husk of a body, with a person trapped inside.