An Educational Week

I live by the view point that if I fail to learn something new each day, then it was not a day worth having had. If I go too many days without learning something I become upset and strive to change my life so I am able to learn something new, even if it is nothing more than a stray, interesting fact...such as the fact that Georgia was the historical home of wine!

Now, this past week, I must say I have learned a lot. I have been lonely, extremely tired, grumpy, injured and all out having a bad week. But I have learned so, so much.

I have learned that I have some amazingly awesome friends. I got messages from a couple of people the first night I was alone for the week, after my hubby left on a business trip, asking if I was lonely, ow I was sleeping, if I was going to be ok. And when I injured myself and needed stitches, a friend did not hesitate to race around, and take me to the emergency department, spending a sleepless night with me and my extremely bruitsalised foot. Said friend even made sure that I didn't have a moment of silence while we waited for hours fro the doctor to stitch me up, and kept me laughing the whole time, and my mind off my injury. And as soon as I let it be known that I was injured I was overwhelmed with text messages and face book emails asking if I needed help, offering me a place to stay next time he's away, and sinply wishing me well. So that was a lesson for my week.

Another, less painful lesson I learned was that when I am extremely tired, especially in the beautiful hours after midnight and just before dawn, I love to use chalks. To draw, to shade, to create, and if I don't have them to use, I become twitchy, grumpy,m and upset. What suprised me about this was the fact that I never realised this before, despite having used chalks in these hours many times before; I guess not having them makes the relation to them and late hours more marked :P

I have learned that my family are amazing. My husband is a wonderful person, and I have learned more with each day how wonderful he is, and how much I need him here (I need you to let me sleep now dear!) and how much I truly miss him when he is unable to be by my side. I have also learned exactly how much my attention span and ability to conduct a normal life are effected by his abscence; its like I become that kid with ADHD who cant do anything for more than 5 minutes, combined with enough hyperactivity to cause me to end up unable to sleep, dancing round my living room at 4am singing along to Pink. I mean, hell no >< And my mother in law; she never hesitated to give me a lift, or to come and pick me up to baby me and force me to take care of my injury.

And you know, I even discovered a new support in my own imediate family, which I would never have suspected. I mean, we burned a hell of a lot of bridges between us over the years, and at this point in my life I had decided there was never going to be a time that they were there for me. And yet when I called them with a problem this week they didnt hesitate to tell me to stop worrying, they had it covered. So I learned that maybe I have been a little harsh on some of them myself in recent years, maybe I should give them another chance...well, some of them. Not mother :P

So, despite this having been very similar to the week from hell for me, I know that it was a valuable week in my life, and for that I treasure it. I would regret my life without having had the enriching lessons that I found this past week. I also learned a lot about other people this week, about all the different personalities that surround us every day, and about how they all interact; how easy it is to make a whole emergency room laugh. So, despite it having been a bad week in some respects, I do believe this was a really, really good week :) Thank you very much to the people who made it such, and the events that shaped it :)

Because I Can

Infertility: 5 Things I've Learned

Prewarning, this isn't my normal. Sometimes one has to talk home truths. I hope me baring my soul here can help someone else though.

Over the last two and a half years my husband and I have tried very many times to achieve what most people can do without thinking about it. We've been trying really, really hard for kids. We've tried temperature and calendar methods, we've counted days, we've done blood tests, semen samples and sworn at doctors. We stopped drinking at all, we took vitamin suppliments, and we briefly entertained the idea that maybe its all about our house being wrong. Yes, we went *that* crazy. Or maybe I went that crazy, and he didn't know any other way of helping than to go along. I don't know. He's been awesome either way and I love him very much. Once or twice we've had near hits, and that makes oit that much harder each month to pick ourselves back up and carry on, and I think we're nearly at our limit. But what has made it so much harder isn't that we've had no success for two and a half years. It's that we've had no real help with our problem for that amount of time. So lets look at some home truths about infertility.

1) The White Elephant.
You know the game you used to play as a kid, where you would say 'don't think or talk about the white elephant' and no one won? Infertility is the adult version of that game. No one talks about it, ever, and then we talked to some of our friends one day and went 'WAAAAA infertility!' and they went 'OMG you too?'. Everyone we know has some relationship with it, whether it's just 'I had a miscarriage and we have used contraception since but GOD I want a baby!' or 'I'm never able to have kids, I'm way over weight and have advanced PCOS'. What I fail to understand is why it is such a hush hush topic? Ladies and gentlemen, in not talking about these things, we are shooting ourselves in the foot! You don't talk about it, and evryone ends up thinking they are the only one with any such issues, and let me tell you, that makes the suffering so, so much worse.

2) Doctors.
I'm sorry to burst the bubble for those out there who believe their doc can fix everything and is wonderful, but here is the home truth: Your doctor is simply human, just like everyone else you know, and therefore makes mistakes and has emotions just like everyone else. Your doctor is not infaliable. T (my man) and I have been to three doctors about our problems so far, and I have a fourth doctor I am going to begin seeing on Thursday. The first two doctors were terrible; one said my husband, who drank 3 to 5 standard drinks over the weekend and nothing during the week, was an alcoholic and that was where our problem came from. He also said that it didnt matter how irregular my periods were, if I was having them, I was perfectly fine and fertile. He lasted one appointment, and my husband still worries about his drinking today. Another doctor said that there was no way that my husband being vegetarian could have any adverse effects on his fertility. Not trusting this by now, we went home and did some research that showed a vegetarian diet leaves a man with no zinc, therefore lower sperm count. On to doc three. By now he was taking suppliments for zinc, and tests proved him perfect, so we looked at me: We've done it before, so It all works there, my bloods came back fine, doc couldnt find a thing to point at with me and wouldnt look at the items I was begging her to look at, ie Porgesterone levels. At the same time, she refused to refer us to any specialists, because I am, in her viev, too young to be having problems and the specialists won't want to look at me. So we were stuck now; doctors could no longer really help us, but they refused to refer us, despite us having tried for nearly three years now. Like I was saying, they're faliable and they're human. Both of these observations suck balls.

3) Age Works Against You Everywhere You Go.
I am 22 years old in several months. My husband is older than me by a few years. We have been trying for kids since I was 19 years old. In Australia, we are distinctly told if you have been unable to get pregnant for two or more years, go to your doctor and get them to refer you to a fertility specialist. Sadly, because of my age doctors will not do this for me; apparently fi I were 33 years old they would, quote, have no hesitation in refering you this instant, but you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Unquote. Yes, I do have my whole life ahead of me. I want to breed, have my kids now, in the next 5 to 10 years; not get to 33 and have the first of them. That is not only impractical, its unkind to the kids. I can give them more NOW. So HELP me. Oh wait, yeah, that stupid age thing. Age should not factor into fertility, but at the moment, it is the ONLY factor there seems to be.

4) Any Help You Can Find Is Overpriced.
Recently, my brother gave the the phone number of a place that he believes can help me, and after talking to the manager extensively, I agree. However, while my man and I are comfortable, we are not made of money. No one is. So this leads me to wonder how in my right mind I can justify paying $180 for an hour with someone just for a first consult? Per person? ANd it wasn't cheap before that either; going to the lackwit doctors we went to cost $60 per 15 minute session. The problem we are finding is that doctors know they have you by the proverbial balls when it comes to fertility issues. They know that if you are desperate enough to have to be there, you really cannot protest at the price. My worry is that while I am able to get the help I need, hopefully, or at least while I am able to AFFORD the help I need, what happens to those who cannot?

5) Family.
They are meant to be the support network, the people you fall back on, the ones you can cry all over and sometimes yell at for no damned good reason at all except that you're going off the rails and they love you enough to understand. Sometimes they're nmot. His family has been fantastic, and some of mine (thank you D&M!) have been a dream. But a lot of my family either simply do not understand, or are outright scornful. Apparently due to my age I should stop being an idiot, stop worrying and stressing as obviously thats the problem and things will happen. Or the better argument: Get over your grief and move on like a normal person. And the cincher? Doesn't matter if you've gotten over the grief, or if you are not stressing, or worrying; denying you need to do these things reinforces to them that they are right and you are delusional. Sadly it is not allowable to round house them, so you have to smile, grit your teeth, and run an internal monologue of swearing.

So there you have it folks, my findings so far in my quest for actual help. Anyone in Perth, Remede Wellness Centre are very happy to help, have wonderful attitudes, and despite the pricing (or because of it?) give me confidence. Good luck!

FRIENDSHIPS

Human beings are interesting creatures. Like monkeys of all varieties, we are social animals, better suited to pack life with a large group of members existing within our pack. And an integral part of our pack, one that exists without question for most of us, is family; those annoying siblings whom Mum and Dad seem to favour over you, the aunts and uncles who are always nosing around in your life and pinching your cheek and spoiling you, the grandparents with their stories of “back in my day...”.

However, family is not the only social group we need to make our world go round properly. In fact, it is only one of the groups; the other group, just as important, is that of our friends. Those people we meet over our years on this earth, who influence our lives, share adventures and misshaps with us, with whom we share our secrets and with whom we laugh. And without them, our family would most likely drive us all to the verge of insanity.

Now, insanity can be fun, we all know this, or should do if we have had any form of havoc in our lives before. But insanity is no fun without friends. And the better the friend who shares your insanity, the better the fun, as with everything in life. And without good friends we may as well check ourselves into the asylum.

I can safely say that my last few weeks, months, would have been a lot different if I hadnt had so many awesome, supportive friends there with me...shoulders to cry on, drinking buddies, sharers of hangovers, when necessary, someone to shake me firmly when I was being unrealistic and tell me to get over it and grow up. And you know, only a friend, a good, real friend, can do any of that. Anyone else can try, but it will never be the same.

And friends are the people who need us as people, as who we are, the most. Had a bad day? You are going to call your best friend, or even rock up on their door step. And so you should, thats why friends are who they are. I've randomly appeared on doorsteps this past couple of months with my bag, and no idea how long im stayng, and each of those friends has taken me in, given me a cup of tea, and let me sort myself out. And they can do the same to me, some have before, others will in the future.

The best part of a friend is you can just drop pretences and simply be yourself. You dont have to look good around them, you dont have to watch what you say, you dont have to be bright and cheerful. If you feel like teaching them some new uncouth words, they are fine with it; heck, my friends could probably teach me a word or two of their own! They expect you to be no one but yourself, act no other way than you normally would on your own; with good friends, you can be free as a bird to do as you wish, and its awesome.

The other day I was down south, in Bunbury, walking along in a medieval dress with my best friend, and we randomly started skipping, arm in arm down the main street, singing 'We're off to see the Wizard' from the Wizard of Oz. And we looked insane. We scared people off the side walk and across the street, just by being so uncontrolled and free. And afterward we went and got coffee, and laughed ourselves silly, and agreed it was the most fun we had had in months. And there is no one else in the whole world I would rather do that with, or know it was ok to do that with, and at the time, acting like that with that friend, really made my day so much brighter, and made the problems all go away, just for the day.

So I guess what im saying here is that friends are amazing. They are the best people ever, and when the whole world seems to have gone to hell in a little pretty hand basket, they are there. They pick you up, dust you off, tell you off if they need to, tell you if you've been stupid, and are there on those dire occasions when you really need a drinking buddy, and nothing else, not that I've called in that favour much in the past, or am going to much in the future. And they know, or should know, that you are there for them as much as they are for you, and any favour they do for you when you need it will always be returned. And I know there are people out there who dont understand the attachment I have to my friends; all I can say to them is that friends, more than family, are the most important features in my life. They will always be there for you. Family won't, partners won't, but friends...there will always be a friend there for you to turn to.

Thanks guys, all of you, for being there the last couple of months; you have been amazing, and I hope I get the chance to return the favours some time soon :)

My role in life, and Why I Don't Appreciate Being Judged as Useless by it.

Warning folks, today's rant is personal.

Now, I am a mother, and I have/had one child, James, and everything about me is all about being the traditional, home maker, stay at home, look after the family type of mother figure. It is my job description, despite what the government may say about it, and it is my love. Now, I am more than aware that in today's society, all of those things that personify me are seen to be a little bit archaic, redundant, and pointless, and that, say, a career, is perceived to be more worthy and understandable, but that's forgivable as we all know that society forgot all about the children and childhood, and the security a loving caring well grounded family provides years ago anyhow.

Now, I've made it no secret over the years as I grew up, and throughout my life to date that unlike the rest of you who all want to have careers and be 'real' people and do grown up things like go to university, and all of that long list of stuff you all want to complete before kids and family and partner, all I aspire to do with my life is find that elusive, proverbial 'right one' that everyone swears exists, settle down, and have a family. Plain and simple. So needless to say I found it quite shocking last night when one of my closest female friends took it upon herself to tell me how she thought my sort of life style, that of the stay at home mother/wife/family carer, was a waste of my life.

Lets break for a moment and review the role of a mother and wife in a family. She is a home maker, a loving caring person, a child raiser and bearer, a wise person, someone to whom everyone goes when they need advice, sympathy, or just hugs. She is the person who makes the grazed knee all better, who bullies those who bully you, who stands up for you in any situation. She is the person who you can call, any where, any time, and ask for help, she is the person who loves you unconditionally, cares for you, and makes you warm, fuzzy, love filled memories. A mother is the one who is always able to tell you when you've done wrong, or when you're being a fool, and when she does, that means you really have.

A mother, and a wife, is the person who makes the household tick over, and keeps it working, and shes the person who is always there to sort anything out, and make things go smoothly. Shes an organizer, and she constantly works under chaotic stress. And when something goes wrong with her family, its her who feels she has failed, even if she hasn't, and its her who picks up the pieces, no matter how broken she herself is feeling. And it is she who has to take criticism from every other know it all in the world, and pointless advice on how to do things 'the right way' from all the busy bodies who think she really needs their nosy input. So in my eyes, her role is quite sizable. And certainly, I no longer have a child to represent my status as a mother, but despite that, I remain one, and I remain a wife.

I am in a role that I fit into like a hand to a glove, and I see no reason why I should change from that to something I fit like a hand to a shoe; IE, not at all. And yet many out there see people like myself as time wasters, people who live off society, and are putting their lives in to a waste occupation. Now, I can to a certain degree see where these ideas are coming from, because a lot of stay at home mums do a pretty average job. My own mother didn't do that well with myself and my siblings, but, you know, we worked out in the end, despite none of us keeping in touch with her anymore. And a lot of single parents just can not be assed getting up, getting off the dole, and getting somewhere with their lives, and I'm not advocating them in any way; I feel they do not deserve mention for their leech like behavior.

But in general, most of the at home mothers I know are brilliant. They're there, day in and day out, for their kids, their partners, and anything random that comes up with their friends where their help is needed, and not only that, they do a great job with their families. So I see nothing bad about people like myself, and personally I find it horrifying how some people, even those I have valued as friends for many years, are able to see my role in my family as useless. I see my life style as being as important in the lives of those in my family as those career women see their careers to be in their lives; I know I have no qualifications, but I have a home, not just a house for my family to come back to, and I have the ability to raise my children, and care for my group.

If I really was just sitting on my ass all day, doing nothing at all, wasting my time, my life, my partners money etc, then by all means, tell me what exactly you think of me. And if I had failed at motherhood when the chance presented itself, then again, I agree whole heartedly with you, I would now be wasting my life. But I made the best of my chance at motherhood, and I believe I make the best of being a part of a functional marriage, so from my view point, while I am not working my ass off furthering my education, or career, I am performing a role in my life that I fit, and that not only am I suited to, but I do well.

I don't care if you're a career woman or someone like me, its your choice, but I do honestly think that we all have the right to decide what sort of mother we will be, if and when the time for us to be a mother comes up, and that those of us who have as yet not settles down should by no means judge those of us who have on how they raise their family, or how they chose to be a mother, until they themselves settle into motherhood as well. After all, that friend who sees my life style as a waste of my life may herself one day have children and wish to be nothing more than a stay at home mother. Or, she may even dump her kid on me before work each day while she becomes a career mother; we just don't know until the time comes for us to find out.

So to all of you out there, don't judge it until you try it, whatever it is, and in this case, motherhood.