My household has been making a few adjustments recently, and so everyone, that being my hubby, 2 cats and myself, has been at least a little on edge. It has really been a humungous learning curve. Sadly...we are not finished yet! :P
To my dear cats: I would absolutely love it if you would learn the new location of the litter tray. It has been there for THREE GODAMNED WEEKS now. Surely that is long enough to stop shitting beside my washing machine and peeing in my basket of clean but nmot yet hung washing? Also, how is it that whenever I have the laundry door closed you never miss the tray. Freaks :P
Now, I'll admit, the lives of my cats have been hell recently. I recently took on an awesome dog. A BIG dog. A friendly dog. A ridgeback x mastiff, to be precise, who at 9 years old is a senior citizen and an old family friend. As you could believe, my cats are not too fond of this; their first reaction was total disbelief - You're kidding, that is TOTALLY not staying in my house Mum- followed instantly with an attempt to look like a capital A, loosing half a kilo of fur between them, demonstrating their ability to spit like champions and then a complete lack of cat throughout most of my house. One of them is still sitting in the cupboard in my room in the deepest darkest part she can find and ordering room service daily.
I suppose it really isn't helping her nerves that my husband's homebrew beer recently decided that it loved the idea of exploding, showering my computer room in beer and glass shards, and setting the dog off into excited barking, rapidly followed by terrified hissing from the cats who were certain that any noise from the dog meant she was hungry, specifically for cat. I sat on my laundry floor unable to breathe through laughter while thinking "No one is crazier than me..."
And on Friday night the man and I fly to Kuala Lumpur. For a week. And leave our best friends with our loving dog, our terrified closet cat and the other terrified manly cat. Who thinks that attacking the dog is way better than trying to just ignore her. I am totally leaving my phone at home and enjoying a week where I can pretend that these animals are ABSOLUTELY not my fault, problem or concern.
What I have learned so far: A cat who thinks that strange looking animla outside the window may be hostile can put their paw through a flyscreen in abnout .2 of a second flat with no effort, and you only hear the hissing afterward.
When they hear cars hissing, dogs start barking in a cheerful, and totally unhelpful, manner. This results in a new hat consisting of 1 Angry Cat for me.
Do not even bother vaccuming for at least a week after introducing a new dog to your cats. Those cats hate you so much they will actively shed on everything they can, and by shed I mean they were saving it all for this occasion.
Sitting on the floor and laughing slightly hysterically will freak your cats out more. It will also cause the man to come running in asking in increasingly worried tones whats wrong, while all you can do is gasp in the occasional breathe and cackle senslessly through the tears.
Ah, the educational wonders...
Because I can
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Life is like Bingo
There are few things I really hate in life. But sadly, I think most of them have been triggered this week, and for me I think that's a new reccord. It's like playing Bingo, but with pet hates, and I won, which NEVER happens with real Bingo because I DO NOT PLAY IT.
Number one on my list has always been People Who are Amazingly Incompetent At Their Jobs, also known as bundles of complete fail. That girl at the bank who issued me a new card in my OLD name after changing my details so thast my new card SHOULD have been in my new name? Fail. And that fact that it took her 45 minutes to complete this incredible act? Priceless.
OH, and this goes out to Mark at Fivestar Fencing. For starters mate, five star implies that not only do you know what you're doing, but you can do it well. I think you not only need to change the Business name, but the Business. Stat. Because I think it's REALLY unprofessional to come round and look at my fence to give me a quote for fixing it, only to say that while it is indeed broken, you can't fix it...and not give a suitable reason. It is even more unprofessional to then call my husband a week later and say 'I'll come fix it tomorrow before lunch time.' and then never show up. At all. I hope you enjoy the lovely voice mail I left you, and also the one my strata manager left you that effectively ensures that you don't come back here again. Because you have a habit of stuffing up.
Another thing I hate; idiot neighbours annoying the hell out of the whole strata block. You know dude, that's not a wise move, especially since you're only renting and the rest of us now angry hornets are owners. First rule for renters who dont want to piss off the other people around them; On a recycle week, do NOT put your RUBBISH in our RECYCLE bins. If you do, our bins wont get emptied, and they also get big stickers on them saying why. And then YOU get a whole horde of angry and upset owners on your doorstep asking if you know WTF a rubbish bin or tip is and could you KINDLY use it or we will be pleased to enforce our request? ><
See? Like I said, not many things that push my angry at everyone buttons. And they don't usually get pushed, so this week has been entertaining...for me. For the people I dealt with, it has been less than pleasant, but you know what? If you didn't TRY to piss me off, I wouldnt rub your face in your incompetence.
Because I Can
Number one on my list has always been People Who are Amazingly Incompetent At Their Jobs, also known as bundles of complete fail. That girl at the bank who issued me a new card in my OLD name after changing my details so thast my new card SHOULD have been in my new name? Fail. And that fact that it took her 45 minutes to complete this incredible act? Priceless.
OH, and this goes out to Mark at Fivestar Fencing. For starters mate, five star implies that not only do you know what you're doing, but you can do it well. I think you not only need to change the Business name, but the Business. Stat. Because I think it's REALLY unprofessional to come round and look at my fence to give me a quote for fixing it, only to say that while it is indeed broken, you can't fix it...and not give a suitable reason. It is even more unprofessional to then call my husband a week later and say 'I'll come fix it tomorrow before lunch time.' and then never show up. At all. I hope you enjoy the lovely voice mail I left you, and also the one my strata manager left you that effectively ensures that you don't come back here again. Because you have a habit of stuffing up.
Another thing I hate; idiot neighbours annoying the hell out of the whole strata block. You know dude, that's not a wise move, especially since you're only renting and the rest of us now angry hornets are owners. First rule for renters who dont want to piss off the other people around them; On a recycle week, do NOT put your RUBBISH in our RECYCLE bins. If you do, our bins wont get emptied, and they also get big stickers on them saying why. And then YOU get a whole horde of angry and upset owners on your doorstep asking if you know WTF a rubbish bin or tip is and could you KINDLY use it or we will be pleased to enforce our request? ><
See? Like I said, not many things that push my angry at everyone buttons. And they don't usually get pushed, so this week has been entertaining...for me. For the people I dealt with, it has been less than pleasant, but you know what? If you didn't TRY to piss me off, I wouldnt rub your face in your incompetence.
Because I Can
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wake up, Society of Shallow People!
I was reading a very interesting article today, about cheating, and relationships, genetics and excuses. And in the comment section, I came accross a gem of close minded idiocy from one of the more shallow readers.
"Fiona says: 12:01pm | 07/12/10
And we insecure hetero’s call it the reason why the gay world has contributed so much to the spread of AIDS ....
Just because you choose to open up your arse to anyone doesn’t make us ‘insecure’ because we believe in making a committment to another person of the opposite sex .... you may need to look the word up in the dictionary ..."
Now, I realise that other commenters also had a say at her about her ideas, and about her completely mind blowing bitchiness closed mindedness, but I figured that personally, I needed to have a go too. Because she is sadly not the only one with such views, and the outlook seems to be spreading in my circle. Or maybe Perth is just a pit of closed minds...? Naaaaaah.
Firstly, the rate of AIDS spread is roughly even; almost the same amount of straight people have it as gay people. So this would suggest, lo and behold, that straight people are spreading it too! Can you get your head around that?! Secondly, Fiona, you make me laugh; you worry about the spread of aids even as you say the gay world is spreading it. Honey, if the gay world is the only community spreading it, why the HELL are you worried? Or don't you understand what being gay means? Basically that they REALLY DON'T WANT YOU. Twerp.
Secondly, I know a lot of gay people. Many of my best friends are gay. And do you want to know something interesting Fiona? Of all my gay friends, male and female, I can't think of a one who wants to sleep around. Most of them want a happy long term relationship. Some of them have that, and are just as happy and dedicated to each other as the best of the heterosexual relationships I know of. I know 10 times the amount of straight people who want nothing to do with a solid relationship, and only want to f**k their way around the city. I know several people who go in for monthly STD checks. The one thing they all have in common? They are all straight.
So, time to rething Fiona. You need to catch up with the times. Gay people are not the bane of your life, in fact, you probably don't know any at all, and if you did, they wouldn't tell you with a life outlook like that. It's nasty people like you who cause most of the prejudice effecting gay people, and it's not fair considering they have never done anything to you. They would probably help you if you needed it too. I hope they don't though.
"Fiona says: 12:01pm | 07/12/10
And we insecure hetero’s call it the reason why the gay world has contributed so much to the spread of AIDS ....
Just because you choose to open up your arse to anyone doesn’t make us ‘insecure’ because we believe in making a committment to another person of the opposite sex .... you may need to look the word up in the dictionary ..."
Now, I realise that other commenters also had a say at her about her ideas, and about her completely mind blowing bitchiness closed mindedness, but I figured that personally, I needed to have a go too. Because she is sadly not the only one with such views, and the outlook seems to be spreading in my circle. Or maybe Perth is just a pit of closed minds...? Naaaaaah.
Firstly, the rate of AIDS spread is roughly even; almost the same amount of straight people have it as gay people. So this would suggest, lo and behold, that straight people are spreading it too! Can you get your head around that?! Secondly, Fiona, you make me laugh; you worry about the spread of aids even as you say the gay world is spreading it. Honey, if the gay world is the only community spreading it, why the HELL are you worried? Or don't you understand what being gay means? Basically that they REALLY DON'T WANT YOU. Twerp.
Secondly, I know a lot of gay people. Many of my best friends are gay. And do you want to know something interesting Fiona? Of all my gay friends, male and female, I can't think of a one who wants to sleep around. Most of them want a happy long term relationship. Some of them have that, and are just as happy and dedicated to each other as the best of the heterosexual relationships I know of. I know 10 times the amount of straight people who want nothing to do with a solid relationship, and only want to f**k their way around the city. I know several people who go in for monthly STD checks. The one thing they all have in common? They are all straight.
So, time to rething Fiona. You need to catch up with the times. Gay people are not the bane of your life, in fact, you probably don't know any at all, and if you did, they wouldn't tell you with a life outlook like that. It's nasty people like you who cause most of the prejudice effecting gay people, and it's not fair considering they have never done anything to you. They would probably help you if you needed it too. I hope they don't though.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Amazing Hilarity!
Good afternoon all of you crazy people! Of course, if you are reading this you are certainly crazy, and so do not even consider disputing that fact, thank you. ^^
Now, as I may have previously stated somewhere in my raging ranting post history, I am not exactly what one may call a religious personality. In facvt, I am often so anti religious that my very prescence causes some of the more religious people in my world to run away lest they attempt to preach their religion near me in a moment of insanity. I love it when they do that; it gives me the chance to have a philisophical debate with them, and oddly enough, not many religious people like that as they seem to be amazingly uncreative. (ie; me: all the evidence you have is in a book, that reads like a history book aimed at children. It doesn't proove the existence of a god, it prooves that people once thought a lot simpler and needed to make explainations up for the scary things in their lives they could not otherwise explain. religious person: But...its inb the book! It has to be true!)
But, despite this, I do not actually have a problem with religion, so long as you keep it to yourself; just like opinions ^^ And only a minute ago I was reading my FAVOURITE blog, Rants From Mummy Land, and found THIS:
I am still, still, gasping for my next breath between GALES of laughter. And not only was this a hilarious video, it was also awesome, fantastic, not religiously pushy, and actually informative. FANTASTIC!
Now, as I may have previously stated somewhere in my raging ranting post history, I am not exactly what one may call a religious personality. In facvt, I am often so anti religious that my very prescence causes some of the more religious people in my world to run away lest they attempt to preach their religion near me in a moment of insanity. I love it when they do that; it gives me the chance to have a philisophical debate with them, and oddly enough, not many religious people like that as they seem to be amazingly uncreative. (ie; me: all the evidence you have is in a book, that reads like a history book aimed at children. It doesn't proove the existence of a god, it prooves that people once thought a lot simpler and needed to make explainations up for the scary things in their lives they could not otherwise explain. religious person: But...its inb the book! It has to be true!)
But, despite this, I do not actually have a problem with religion, so long as you keep it to yourself; just like opinions ^^ And only a minute ago I was reading my FAVOURITE blog, Rants From Mummy Land, and found THIS:
I am still, still, gasping for my next breath between GALES of laughter. And not only was this a hilarious video, it was also awesome, fantastic, not religiously pushy, and actually informative. FANTASTIC!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Summer Madness
Today in Australia, it is a HOT day. Inside my house righht now it is probably about 30 degrees, and I had the aircon on until an hour ago. Outside, it is probably closer to 40 degrees celcius, and I do not particularly like this. So I am currently sticky, sweaty, overheated and slightly grumpy. And so to aleviate this grumpiness and make the day fun, I did something REALLY STUPID. I cooked.
Now, I know only a fool would do something stupid like that in mid Australain summer, but hey, I never claimed to be anything BUT. So I got up this morning, when my house was already feeling like a pressure cooker, and chopped up 5kgs of tomatoes and put them on to boil. I then waged war against the 4 onions I had to add to this mix, and while I started off on a winning streak having successfully managed to top and tail and skin them, the onions took the lead within seconds using organic warfare, and I rapidly conceeded defeat due to eye spasms caused by my eyes just wanting to die because they were swimming in onion juice. Score one to the onions. I claimed victory about half an hour later, eyes back in the land of the living and my tear ducts now feeling like storm drains, and with triumph added the onions to the now merrily bubbling tomatoes. To the person who told me to put the onions in the freezer for a few minutes, thank you. It actually worked.
Now that I had everything under control, I left the pot boiling, heating up my house as obviously we all want our own home sized sauna, and did some cleaning. Came back an hour later, pureed it all, put it back on the stove. Somewhere in there I turned the aircon off as it really wasn't making a difference anymore and besides, its a power hungry beast and I dont want it ruling my bills. Household appliances should never be allowed to get ideas of power. My vaccume already thinks its entitled to 6 full days rest after each use, and honestly, thats one entitled appliance too many.
So now, I'm sitting in a really warm house, slightly grumpy, and realising that the irony is I am more to blame than the weather. Well, either way, some of my Christmas cooking is done at least! Next week, Pickled Jalepinos...or will it be Gingerbread houses of doom instead? Either way, lesson learned, I shall schedule some rain on cooking day next time!
Now, I know only a fool would do something stupid like that in mid Australain summer, but hey, I never claimed to be anything BUT. So I got up this morning, when my house was already feeling like a pressure cooker, and chopped up 5kgs of tomatoes and put them on to boil. I then waged war against the 4 onions I had to add to this mix, and while I started off on a winning streak having successfully managed to top and tail and skin them, the onions took the lead within seconds using organic warfare, and I rapidly conceeded defeat due to eye spasms caused by my eyes just wanting to die because they were swimming in onion juice. Score one to the onions. I claimed victory about half an hour later, eyes back in the land of the living and my tear ducts now feeling like storm drains, and with triumph added the onions to the now merrily bubbling tomatoes. To the person who told me to put the onions in the freezer for a few minutes, thank you. It actually worked.
Now that I had everything under control, I left the pot boiling, heating up my house as obviously we all want our own home sized sauna, and did some cleaning. Came back an hour later, pureed it all, put it back on the stove. Somewhere in there I turned the aircon off as it really wasn't making a difference anymore and besides, its a power hungry beast and I dont want it ruling my bills. Household appliances should never be allowed to get ideas of power. My vaccume already thinks its entitled to 6 full days rest after each use, and honestly, thats one entitled appliance too many.
So now, I'm sitting in a really warm house, slightly grumpy, and realising that the irony is I am more to blame than the weather. Well, either way, some of my Christmas cooking is done at least! Next week, Pickled Jalepinos...or will it be Gingerbread houses of doom instead? Either way, lesson learned, I shall schedule some rain on cooking day next time!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Destructive Force of Sims
OK, so my day has been an ABSOLUTE, tragic mass of failure. My 'To Do' list of the last 3 days lies gathering dust somewhere beneath the washing that needs to be done and hung and moved off the bed, and my motivation is willing, but can't find enough of my strength of will to actually DO anything with me. Its really pathetically sad. And it's all because of one, lousy old game. Can you believe that?! And no, this time, it is NOT World of Warcraft...ask me about that in December :P
No, this time my COMPLETE lack of attention span and decided loss of dedication to my house work was caused by Sims 3. Now, before you go and tell me exactly how sad that is, and I know it is sad, believe me, let me first tell you some facts about the game. Unlike other companies when they decide to expand and enlarge a game, the people behind the Sims didn't completely remodel. Graphics are better, sure, but you still have the same old style of game play. The main differences are such things as your Sims being more independant; for example, I have yet to have one light their house on fire and then run around in the burning house screaming. Why would they be so stupid you ask? I have no idea, but in Sims and Sims 2 they ALWAYS did it. And it was hilarious, and cost me house after house of Sims, and never failed to be amazing in its stupidity.
Also, for those people out there who like the dressup angle, there are so, so many new and interesting clothing styles avaliable. And furniature styles. And you can even design your own clothing for your Sims. Next item of interest: The game developers, bless their cotton sock, finally saw sense and made building your sim a house idiot proof, something I often needed, and feel great comfort in knowing. You no longer have to wonder how the HECk to get the stupidly huge steps down to size, or even if there happens to possibly be steps that are actually meant to be outside steps; it is now so simple my cat could do it! Which leaves you with more time to manipulate the lives of your Sims, making and breaking them as you wish!
Which...is where I have been buried for the last 3 days. At the bottom of a Sims 3 induced crazy hole. Oh humanity...
And now my cat's are demanding food in such a way that implies I'll be dinner if I don't move my ass fast, and I still dont know how my awesome hubby has put up with me. So tip to the wise: If you have pets and a hubby and still want to play this game, put the pets in care and send the hubby to stay with someone else for a couple of days; that way at least they'll get looked after! Personally I would have to say it is frequently addictive and hard to escape, so run while you can!
-Because I can-
No, this time my COMPLETE lack of attention span and decided loss of dedication to my house work was caused by Sims 3. Now, before you go and tell me exactly how sad that is, and I know it is sad, believe me, let me first tell you some facts about the game. Unlike other companies when they decide to expand and enlarge a game, the people behind the Sims didn't completely remodel. Graphics are better, sure, but you still have the same old style of game play. The main differences are such things as your Sims being more independant; for example, I have yet to have one light their house on fire and then run around in the burning house screaming. Why would they be so stupid you ask? I have no idea, but in Sims and Sims 2 they ALWAYS did it. And it was hilarious, and cost me house after house of Sims, and never failed to be amazing in its stupidity.
Also, for those people out there who like the dressup angle, there are so, so many new and interesting clothing styles avaliable. And furniature styles. And you can even design your own clothing for your Sims. Next item of interest: The game developers, bless their cotton sock, finally saw sense and made building your sim a house idiot proof, something I often needed, and feel great comfort in knowing. You no longer have to wonder how the HECk to get the stupidly huge steps down to size, or even if there happens to possibly be steps that are actually meant to be outside steps; it is now so simple my cat could do it! Which leaves you with more time to manipulate the lives of your Sims, making and breaking them as you wish!
Which...is where I have been buried for the last 3 days. At the bottom of a Sims 3 induced crazy hole. Oh humanity...
And now my cat's are demanding food in such a way that implies I'll be dinner if I don't move my ass fast, and I still dont know how my awesome hubby has put up with me. So tip to the wise: If you have pets and a hubby and still want to play this game, put the pets in care and send the hubby to stay with someone else for a couple of days; that way at least they'll get looked after! Personally I would have to say it is frequently addictive and hard to escape, so run while you can!
-Because I can-
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Prayer To The Housing Department
Grant me sanity to not destroy
That which infuriates and annoys.
Grant me not the curse of sobriety,
The beer is too good, the stress too high.
Gift me with a sweet angelic smile,
To hide the furious glare inside.
Allow me tolerance in the face of faults,
Lest I try to eliminate fault from humanity.
Allow me serenity to smile and nod,
(And ear plugs; even serenity is not enough!)
Bless me with Patience and Foresight
Nothing lives forever, I can wait!!
Allow me reason, to remain sane,
And deaf ears to hear my cheers.
And finally, dear lord, or whoever can hear
Please get me the hell out of here!
C.A Pendragon, 18.03.2010
Grant me sanity to not destroy
That which infuriates and annoys.
Grant me not the curse of sobriety,
The beer is too good, the stress too high.
Gift me with a sweet angelic smile,
To hide the furious glare inside.
Allow me tolerance in the face of faults,
Lest I try to eliminate fault from humanity.
Allow me serenity to smile and nod,
(And ear plugs; even serenity is not enough!)
Bless me with Patience and Foresight
Nothing lives forever, I can wait!!
Allow me reason, to remain sane,
And deaf ears to hear my cheers.
And finally, dear lord, or whoever can hear
Please get me the hell out of here!
C.A Pendragon, 18.03.2010
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